I'm getting married!

Marriage. A union of Joy. A celebration of two coming together to be as one.
But at what cost?

How does one put a price tag on a celebration? In dollars and cents? In verbal well-wishes? With food and wine? With tears that stream down one's face?

It is a bit discouraging when friends are happy for us, but the reaction from family is a hundred and eighty degrees away. Not that they object, in fact my mum said it's good that I have found the partner to settle down with and says go and get married. But the fact that that is all she said is a bit frustrating. No offer of paying for the church wedding lunch, or saying she'll chip in for this. Just an offer of paying for five tables, and taking back the cost of the five tables plus all red packets from those five tables.

It's a little frustrating when my mum says that this is a modern world now, and not like weddings of last time, where parents decided who came to the wedding banquet, and parents footed the bill. Now, it's modern. We decide who to invite, and we foot the bill.

Can thoust strike the balance between culture and modern?

Is there such a need to draw the line your wedding and my son's wedding? Has the world evolved so much that the groom and the bride are on par, and thus, the bride's family to offer to pay for the wedding since the groom's family isn't rich.

All my life, I have co-existed with my parents. While I have a peaceful relationship with them, I honestly don't feel that they know me at all. Sure, there were times they took care of me, when I was sick, or watched me grow up. But they haven't been growing up with me. I was patient when anger took a hold of her, or when I didn't greet her when I went home and she gave me the cold shoulder. All my life, I grew up with the mantra that parents are always right. Or the mantra that I displayed at home. I never argued back, never really threw a tantrum or a big fuss. I accepted my parents making mistakes because at a young age, I knew they weren't perfect.

It is more disappointing than frustrating that the hand that fed you now pulls your ear.

From you saying that I should stay with her, to saying that cause I'm staying with her that's why you can't sell the house to the first buyer, to saying that it is my wedding so I should pay the bill cause it's a modern world.

Is not a wedding a joyous celebration? Of the growing up of both parties, of the blessed union of both as they come together as one?

Time for me to walk the walk, unlike some who just talk the talk and don't walk the walk.

Guess I'll have to beg, borrow and bury myself in debt because I want to thank my friends for making me who I am and to let them be a part of this celebration.

On bended knee

With a long and deep inhale, I took a breath and went down on one knee.
Okay, it wasn't fully on one bended knee, because she was sitting on the bed, and the bed is low.
It was kind of like a hunched over cramped aching ankle style.
I bet movies and reel life use invisible knee pads for the artistes.

And she said yes!
A new stage begins.
Not a new journey;
but a continuation of the current one just in one new direction.

Doesn't signify that it'll be easier ahead
with mounting financial burdens
and decisions to make
choices to decide
who to invite for what event
or to send an invitation card
and so many more

But I'm happy despite all these
we still have time for each other
or rather, we make time for each other.

To be honest, we haven't really slacked in bed for one day for a long time
Either she's busy with work, or I'm busy with work or both of us are busy with work.
But we still try, and juggle shifts here and there.

Am I sure I want to be married when I'm going to hit 25 soon?
Yes. I don't really see it as being tied down,
though I do acknowledge its commitment.
But it isn't a burden to me, just another step along the path.

A year ago, I would not have imagined that all this will happen.
Getting attached, getting engaged, applying for a house.
Sometimes in life, all one needs to do is to take a step of faith forward
And to be content with what one has in life.

Who knows when we will fade off this earth?
I only know if the world ended today,
I will die in bliss.

I screwed up

That feeling when your heart gets stabbed.

And you pray for time to stop but it speeds up instead.

When by your own selfish actions, you cause frustration and anguish to another. Especially someone you love.

When the future seems bleak
When tears stream down your cheek
When reality is shoved in your face
When your vision gets clouded like a haze
One can only go on knees and grovel.

No doubt just regret
No hesitation just acceptance
Bearing the onus
That thunders from above
Feet trying to balance on shaky ground.

When you just want to fade off the face of this earth.

Or turn back the clock three hours.

Friends Past and Friendships Future

A few days back, I stumbled upon wedding photos of a poly classmate I was close with. Everyday, she would pour out her sorrows to me. We stayed near each other, and would occasionally travel to school together if our timetables were the same. I tolerated her mood swings, and listened to her woes and guy troubles, and she lived life happier, (or so I hope).

But, life does that to you. You get close to people during certain phases of your life, but once someone loses the slack, a friendship can't thrive. Beating eggs alone won't make a cake. You need a slow heat, and other ingredients to add taste and color and variety.

I remember dutifully messaging each of my secondary four classmates for one to two years after graduation from secondary school. Slowly, their replies got shorter. Slowly, I lost the fire.

There are around twenty people I used to faithfully send christmas cards at the end of each year. These are friends whom I've kept their addresses and keep them in a special container in a locker. Last year, I asked myself 'what was the point?'

Indeed, it gets tiring. For the twenty handwritten cards I sent out, only two would respond back with a card. After eight years or so, it just drains out.

Sure, these people mean a lot to me, and I bet if questioned, these people could share a tale or two bout my impact on their life, but life is like that. Over time, we just drift away from each other.

But, there are some that I still keep in contact for these eight or more years. Is there a difference? Is there a secret formula for a lifelong friendship?

I clicked along well with everyone, but I never had my own clique in secondary school, or in polytechnic. From an angle, I was doomed from the start. It then leads me to think, 'do I enter a friendship just for my benefit?'

We've all had (or still have) that one person that we turn to when trouble rears its ugly head, when thunder brews a lightning storm, when our fingers grip the edge of the cliff. Is it for just my benefit or a mutual one?

People form friendships for an assortment of reasons. Work contacts, social status, money, selfish ambition, sense of belonging, self fulfillment. What is your reason?

Cause I believe the reason for the friendship determines its life expectancy.

At the end of the day, I live so that others might live. Through listening, assisting, helping, enriching, emboldening, uplifting. Not by my might but His.

Demolishing Robot

When a building gets demolished, nearby residents or people walking by have to suffer with the noise and the dust. What if we could have robots to demolish buildings and recycle it too?

Meet the ERO Robot.


The ERO Concrete Recycling Robot uses a high-powered water jet to crack open the concrete, before sucking up both concrete and water. Water is then resued for the next demolition, while concrete is sent back for recycling. Imagine a whole fleet of this working together to demolish an entire building.

No dust, less noise, no pollution.

More info here.

Rest or no rest

Sad
That I can't be with you this week
That we can unwind together
Not fully but at least you have
Lesser burdens now.

Away
From you, I feel
Lonely and a piece of me
Missing.

Accustomed
I have grown
To lying beside you
To sleep

To your arms
That cuddle
And warmth
To rest

Distance makes the heart grow fonder
This is true.

Soon we'll be reunited. :)

Six months

In four more days, it'll be half a year that we've been together. Since that night that you said yes, and we both floated on cloud nine, we've come quite a bit.

We've had a few challenges where the future for the both of us seem bleak, we had fun moments where time flew by so quickly. We just evolve with each other.

I'm still fresh in event management, so there're still stuff to learn to help you in your company. This busy period has been quite challenging for the both of us. We only get to spend no more than a hour physically together despite being less than five minutes physically apart.

I can't clean up the house as much as I would like to. I try my best to lessen your load but sometimes, I get tired. I think we've quite stabilized our routines in a way. Though sometimes I still get hurt when you push me away, or ignore me, or don't listen to me. There are times where I don't feel reassured or treasured.

Then, there are times where I watch you lie in bed, sound asleep. That you feel comfortable and safe to sleep, gives me satisfaction. To see you lean against my shoulder and fall asleep is a memory I keep. There are the simple moments where you stretch out for my hand, or when you hug my arm tightly, that make me feel belonged.

That despite all our challenges, we stuck by each other.

And that though I don't say I love you that often, I show it to you through my actions.