Sometimes I wonder
Is life such a breeze?
Friends and books and music
Can we ever live with ease?
Sometimes I wonder
If friendships are meant to be broken
And promises not to be kept
Are we meant to insult and hurt one another?
Till one by one we’re mad
Sometimes I wonder is there a need
To quarrel over who should lead
Or fight over little things like
A mouthpiece or a reed
Sometimes I wonder
When our life ends
When we look back
Will we reminisce the happy memories we had with our friends?
Or will we see those angry moments
Words said that would never mend
Hearts broken, scenes unforgotten
Maybe an upraised hand
Or will we laugh at childish wisdom
Or smile at lame jokes said
And ponder where those god-siblings we were close with
Ponder where they head
Sometimes I wonder
What is life?
That no man can understand
No mind can comprehend
Sometimes I wonder
Is it infinite or simply undefined?
Sometimes I wonder
Wouldn’t life be better?
If there were no worries to worry about
Or no trivial matters to quarrel about
No hearts would be broken
No friendships forgotten
Yet, deep in my heart
I know the reason why
Sometimes I wonder
Whose life has no hurt?
No shame or no pain
For aren’t we merely repeating
What others have done to us
Shouldn’t we go against the flow?
Move against the groove
And instead of causing pain,
Shouldn’t we create hope?
Instead of causing hurt,
Let us create love
Instead of breaking hearts,
Shouldn’t we make hearts?
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
my class..
a field, lush and fruitful
not like its beginning
where once was death there now is life
where once was pride there now is joy
we were together once before the project deadlines
before the flaws were revealed
before the disagreements started
like a wall crumbling under time and pressure
most groups buckled like a rat to safety
yet most perservered on
the four sides of a building came together again
what was once demolished now was rebuilt
though its shape and size was different from its orignal structure
e foundation was stronger and firmer. like rocks. or cement.
unlike soil that might be softened with water
or sand that would crumble under pressure.
a great time we had together
despite the numerous setbacks and backslashes
the wounds have healed no doubt but the scars would remain
would it not?
perhaps just as we would never forget our first love
so we would also not forget our first classmates in poly
yet despite the definite change of classmates
im sure it would be hard to forget the times we had
the times we shared
regardless of race language or religion
i'm sure the garment would be proud of us.
multi-racial. multi-cultural. multi-lingual.
and. er multi-gender? :D
not like its beginning
where once was death there now is life
where once was pride there now is joy
we were together once before the project deadlines
before the flaws were revealed
before the disagreements started
like a wall crumbling under time and pressure
most groups buckled like a rat to safety
yet most perservered on
the four sides of a building came together again
what was once demolished now was rebuilt
though its shape and size was different from its orignal structure
e foundation was stronger and firmer. like rocks. or cement.
unlike soil that might be softened with water
or sand that would crumble under pressure.
a great time we had together
despite the numerous setbacks and backslashes
the wounds have healed no doubt but the scars would remain
would it not?
perhaps just as we would never forget our first love
so we would also not forget our first classmates in poly
yet despite the definite change of classmates
im sure it would be hard to forget the times we had
the times we shared
regardless of race language or religion
i'm sure the garment would be proud of us.
multi-racial. multi-cultural. multi-lingual.
and. er multi-gender? :D
oops.. the music doesnt work on mac..
oopsie. the music aint playable on macs. if im not mistaken. im sorry.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
yupz. new blogskin..
yay! i've got a new blogksin. well, not that much difference from the old one.
and yup, there's music. but, i do think there's a problem with the quality? oh well, cant have the best in life can we?
anyway, i like the song. and i would like to dedicate it to You. hehe. just in case you want to know what the lyrics sound like, they're as follows:
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But, if we are wise, we know that there's, always tomorrow.
CHORUS
Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend,
I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, 'till I'm gonna need, somebody to lean on.
Please, swallow your pride, if I have
things, you need to borrow. For no one can feel, those of your needs, that you won't let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you'll understand, we all need somebody to lean on.
CHORUS
You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you'll understand, we all need some body to lean on.
If, there is a load, that you have to bear, that you can't carry, I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me.
Call me (14 x's)
if u need a friend
call me
call me
if u need a friend
call me
call me
if u need me call me
and yup, there's music. but, i do think there's a problem with the quality? oh well, cant have the best in life can we?
anyway, i like the song. and i would like to dedicate it to You. hehe. just in case you want to know what the lyrics sound like, they're as follows:
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But, if we are wise, we know that there's, always tomorrow.
CHORUS
Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend,
I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, 'till I'm gonna need, somebody to lean on.
Please, swallow your pride, if I have
things, you need to borrow. For no one can feel, those of your needs, that you won't let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you'll understand, we all need somebody to lean on.
CHORUS
You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you'll understand, we all need some body to lean on.
If, there is a load, that you have to bear, that you can't carry, I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me.
Call me (14 x's)
if u need a friend
call me
call me
if u need a friend
call me
call me
if u need me call me
darkness to light
awaking in horror to find that darkness has engulfed me
that not a speck of light can be found with the naked eye
i find myself stumbling as i walk along what seems to be a path
unseen bugs crawl across my feet, despite my attempts to shake them off
in desperation i wildly swing my hands about
fear at the unknown at the unseen
i shudder at the thought of death
voices i hear in my head
hallucinations of lights i see
as i slowly trek on and on my hands in front of me
i remember the days of playing catching
with a blindfold over my eyes
the feeling is just the same
except that i'm all alone
i cry out in anguish
lamenting over my situation
yelling for help till my voice grows hoarse
fatigue soon overcomes me but i have to go on
my mind mocks me taunts me curses me
demons of media and evils of childhood come
floating gloating at my despair at my helplessness
fueling the rage within me.
that not a speck of light can be found with the naked eye
i find myself stumbling as i walk along what seems to be a path
unseen bugs crawl across my feet, despite my attempts to shake them off
in desperation i wildly swing my hands about
fear at the unknown at the unseen
i shudder at the thought of death
voices i hear in my head
hallucinations of lights i see
as i slowly trek on and on my hands in front of me
i remember the days of playing catching
with a blindfold over my eyes
the feeling is just the same
except that i'm all alone
i cry out in anguish
lamenting over my situation
yelling for help till my voice grows hoarse
fatigue soon overcomes me but i have to go on
my mind mocks me taunts me curses me
demons of media and evils of childhood come
floating gloating at my despair at my helplessness
fueling the rage within me.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
sorry..
sorry to those who were uncomfortable and whose lives i have made worser with my posts about me and her.
i'll try to keep the posts as mushy-less as possible.
i could be selfish and say i have the right to publish whatever i want to
but it is simply not in my character
social responsibility perhaps?
some categories of thoughts should be left unannounced.
a leaf, tossed and turned by the wind
a girl exclaiming "you are so mean"
hair undone, a tear rolled down
shoulders hunched, a smile became a frown
teenagers going through identity crises
seeking the meaning of life
wondering their purpose on the old mother earth
not knowing what they see
a new generations' birth
in two by twos and three by threes
the soldiers marched on
some fear the thought of dying
others curse the day they were born
tall fair dark and skinny
sad and cheerful angry happy
gold black brown blue
peekaboo i see you.
i'll try to keep the posts as mushy-less as possible.
i could be selfish and say i have the right to publish whatever i want to
but it is simply not in my character
social responsibility perhaps?
some categories of thoughts should be left unannounced.
a leaf, tossed and turned by the wind
a girl exclaiming "you are so mean"
hair undone, a tear rolled down
shoulders hunched, a smile became a frown
teenagers going through identity crises
seeking the meaning of life
wondering their purpose on the old mother earth
not knowing what they see
a new generations' birth
in two by twos and three by threes
the soldiers marched on
some fear the thought of dying
others curse the day they were born
tall fair dark and skinny
sad and cheerful angry happy
gold black brown blue
peekaboo i see you.
Monday, August 22, 2005
what did i see.
i went out today and what did i see?
people in their daily lives, totally oblivious to me
saw a girl aged eleven or twelve
wearing tinted glasses
then i went to school
and slept during classes
saw a boy, young and carefree
running to his mother, arms outstretched
buzzing like a bee
heard some news good and bad
about people happy and sad
messaged what might probably be sweet nothings
to my dear who really is something
into dance and music adorable she is
hyper and humourous, somebody i really miss
wonder which is worst
to say something and regret saying it
not to say something and regret not saying it
wonder which is better
to say something that you mean
to mean something that you say
oxymorons. technical difficulties. ambiguity. inequality.
peace and joy. understanding. comprehend through comprehension.
can understanding be garnered through understatements?
what about overstatements? overstanding?
food for thought.. amen..
people in their daily lives, totally oblivious to me
saw a girl aged eleven or twelve
wearing tinted glasses
then i went to school
and slept during classes
saw a boy, young and carefree
running to his mother, arms outstretched
buzzing like a bee
heard some news good and bad
about people happy and sad
messaged what might probably be sweet nothings
to my dear who really is something
into dance and music adorable she is
hyper and humourous, somebody i really miss
wonder which is worst
to say something and regret saying it
not to say something and regret not saying it
wonder which is better
to say something that you mean
to mean something that you say
oxymorons. technical difficulties. ambiguity. inequality.
peace and joy. understanding. comprehend through comprehension.
can understanding be garnered through understatements?
what about overstatements? overstanding?
food for thought.. amen..
hehe..
well, im now having ess gra with ah yong. but i cant stop thinking about worries and stuff. i mean, all along, throughout my life, i have never really allowed worries to plague my mind.. till now. like mosquitoes buzzing in for the bite, the thoughts of whether we are going too fast in physical intimacy and how long we will last.
i enjoyed great time with her yesterday. talked and laughed. and the usual physical stuff. maybe we Are going too fast? it's barely a month?
there're times when i wonder how we got together
the times i think when you said i was mean
think about you, think about me
think about us and whether we were meant to be
think about me, think about you
hard to believe this is so true.
oh well. maybe the nxt few weeks might pull and bond us together. helping each other perhaps? who can resist a dose of love at the end of the day?
i enjoyed great time with her yesterday. talked and laughed. and the usual physical stuff. maybe we Are going too fast? it's barely a month?
there're times when i wonder how we got together
the times i think when you said i was mean
think about you, think about me
think about us and whether we were meant to be
think about me, think about you
hard to believe this is so true.
oh well. maybe the nxt few weeks might pull and bond us together. helping each other perhaps? who can resist a dose of love at the end of the day?
Friday, August 19, 2005
one week..
DUE TO FEEDBACK, PARTS OF THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED
well, today was rather huge.
had gdf in the morning and ah yong raised a huge fuss cause i (and SH) didnt have the physical LOA to show him, and thus he couldn't let us go. we had a lunchtime band performance. thankfully, i managed to contact lulu and she managed to get the hard copy and "send" it to us. overall, the performance wasnt that bad. this being my first band performance in TP, i would say the interest garnered was rather overwhelming. Sound-wise, I would say we definitely have to project our notes cause the acoustics and volume of the outdoors is definitely different as that of band room.
after that, had lunch and then medsoc tutoria Yay! I'm rather happy that I managed to get my first A for medsoc which is my individual assignment. My topic was on media and its role in teenagers life, which i could relate with, and thus made the whole assignment rather challening yet easy; to transpose these thoughts into words that would have the same effect and meaning.
After medsoc, on my way out with lao da and mummy and gang, we met two year 1s from some business course doing a survey. the most interesting thing is that, one of them actually flirted with me. well, of course, at this point, i would like to interject that the definitions of flirting varies from person to person and thus, those that were with me may not have thought so. However, as for me, i felt that she did flirt with me. Body language and eyes and stuff. Too bad i didnt get her number or something cause i could intro her to my friends. my single, non-attached friends, that is. she did have the looks. and around my height. and she works in KFC at P.S. on sunday. so there. want to know her? go buy a chick. chicken, i mean. :)
Went to meet J after all these happenings. so weird, her coming out of school at the same precise moment as my "daughter". come to think of it, she's just one year older than my daughter. LOL. anyway, we talked and walked aimlessly though. like normal. :D but i had the biggest shock of my life ever. see, we sat down at a pavilion to er, cuddle, and then we saw shu ning walking. she didnt recognise us la. then, right before our very eyes, the lift opened and we saw dee, kwan and maria. two of them are my godsisters, one of which i'm pretty close with. So, it was coincidentally unbelievable.
Quite a lot of burnings today. which was rather sad cause i saw small kids just following their parents. not knowing what and why they doing what they're doing.
Went for council meeting soon after. and then, i went to meet J again after council meeting.
today marks the first week that we've been together.
memories to be cherished and times to treasure
i dont know what the future will bring
but i know what i will sing
i...
love...
you..
:D:D:D
weird how times passes by. it was even weirder, cause a few days ago, i was telling her how i wished that i could spend a night or like, 12 hours with her. well, i spent about two hours with her. which seemed like 12 hours. XXX XX XXXXX XXXX XXX XXX XXX XX XXX XX XX XXXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXX XXXX X XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXX
XX XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXX
people i'm not close with, recognise me from a distance
people that were close with me, do not see me even if they pass me..
she feels stressed. yet, i cannot detect that when im with her. do i really whizz her off to another place or am i becoming insensitive. my crappiness and lameness brings laughter between us, bonding us together. yet there are times where she doesnt divulge her thoughts and this frustrates me a little. then i realise neither do i. though u allow her to probe my mind and let her view it as and when she wants to, deep down inside i know i am still not that open to her. i wonder, do you?
well, today was rather huge.
had gdf in the morning and ah yong raised a huge fuss cause i (and SH) didnt have the physical LOA to show him, and thus he couldn't let us go. we had a lunchtime band performance. thankfully, i managed to contact lulu and she managed to get the hard copy and "send" it to us. overall, the performance wasnt that bad. this being my first band performance in TP, i would say the interest garnered was rather overwhelming. Sound-wise, I would say we definitely have to project our notes cause the acoustics and volume of the outdoors is definitely different as that of band room.
after that, had lunch and then medsoc tutoria Yay! I'm rather happy that I managed to get my first A for medsoc which is my individual assignment. My topic was on media and its role in teenagers life, which i could relate with, and thus made the whole assignment rather challening yet easy; to transpose these thoughts into words that would have the same effect and meaning.
After medsoc, on my way out with lao da and mummy and gang, we met two year 1s from some business course doing a survey. the most interesting thing is that, one of them actually flirted with me. well, of course, at this point, i would like to interject that the definitions of flirting varies from person to person and thus, those that were with me may not have thought so. However, as for me, i felt that she did flirt with me. Body language and eyes and stuff. Too bad i didnt get her number or something cause i could intro her to my friends. my single, non-attached friends, that is. she did have the looks. and around my height. and she works in KFC at P.S. on sunday. so there. want to know her? go buy a chick. chicken, i mean. :)
Went to meet J after all these happenings. so weird, her coming out of school at the same precise moment as my "daughter". come to think of it, she's just one year older than my daughter. LOL. anyway, we talked and walked aimlessly though. like normal. :D but i had the biggest shock of my life ever. see, we sat down at a pavilion to er, cuddle, and then we saw shu ning walking. she didnt recognise us la. then, right before our very eyes, the lift opened and we saw dee, kwan and maria. two of them are my godsisters, one of which i'm pretty close with. So, it was coincidentally unbelievable.
Quite a lot of burnings today. which was rather sad cause i saw small kids just following their parents. not knowing what and why they doing what they're doing.
Went for council meeting soon after. and then, i went to meet J again after council meeting.
today marks the first week that we've been together.
memories to be cherished and times to treasure
i dont know what the future will bring
but i know what i will sing
i...
love...
you..
:D:D:D
weird how times passes by. it was even weirder, cause a few days ago, i was telling her how i wished that i could spend a night or like, 12 hours with her. well, i spent about two hours with her. which seemed like 12 hours. XXX XX XXXXX XXXX XXX XXX XXX XX XXX XX XX XXXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXX XXXX X XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXX
XX XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXX
people i'm not close with, recognise me from a distance
people that were close with me, do not see me even if they pass me..
she feels stressed. yet, i cannot detect that when im with her. do i really whizz her off to another place or am i becoming insensitive. my crappiness and lameness brings laughter between us, bonding us together. yet there are times where she doesnt divulge her thoughts and this frustrates me a little. then i realise neither do i. though u allow her to probe my mind and let her view it as and when she wants to, deep down inside i know i am still not that open to her. i wonder, do you?
Thursday, August 18, 2005
well.. soon it'll be a week..
well.. time sure fries,, i mean flies.. hehe.. soon,, it'll be a week being together.. but tt's not e thing tt excites or worries me.. its her bdae tt's coming in 3 days tt worries me,, cause i have no ideas what to buy or give her..
hMm.. i've been meeting her almost everyday.. donno why,., but we sortof take a long time to warm up.. though i do get rather excited while on mjy way to meet her.. love la.. lol.. our partings are quite sentimental though... hehe..
met her family ytd. her god-family is rather large. her family is weird la.. mother is a guy, and er, some other weird comnbinations of male and female "names" and stuff, which does make me wonder which of my "family" should i include in e relationship.
hMM.. i aint sure how,, but ethan guo knows i have a gf.. and tt aint quite good la. lecturer knowing something tt's only exclusive to the class,, which does rather narrow the "news-spreaders" down to a significant few..
i think now it's my turn to be whizzed to another place when i'm with her. it's like a whole new world. of course, i long for that day where both of us will understand each other inside-out. but that would take time, patience,.. patience..
hMm.. i've been meeting her almost everyday.. donno why,., but we sortof take a long time to warm up.. though i do get rather excited while on mjy way to meet her.. love la.. lol.. our partings are quite sentimental though... hehe..
met her family ytd. her god-family is rather large. her family is weird la.. mother is a guy, and er, some other weird comnbinations of male and female "names" and stuff, which does make me wonder which of my "family" should i include in e relationship.
hMM.. i aint sure how,, but ethan guo knows i have a gf.. and tt aint quite good la. lecturer knowing something tt's only exclusive to the class,, which does rather narrow the "news-spreaders" down to a significant few..
i think now it's my turn to be whizzed to another place when i'm with her. it's like a whole new world. of course, i long for that day where both of us will understand each other inside-out. but that would take time, patience,.. patience..
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
weird aint it..
hMm.. now quite sian.. so just decide to blog.. while waiting for my songs to be downloaded.. hMm.. i realize.. when I'm with her.. i feel safe.. loved and loving.. i feel like i and Her are bonded and in tune with the same mental frequency. Yet now, when distance separates us, that small knob in my mind starts turning. doubt runs through my mind as i ponder the similar differences and different similarities between us. My mind questions the same frequency, that is receiving nothing but noise. perhaps we have to be close. my heart feels so much lighter when she holds my hand. yet, i can sense that we do not know each other. and i wait patiently. for the chance to show myself. i dont mind her knowing me. inside-out. i wait patiently. for the time and opportunity to allow her when she probes me. just as she allows me to probe her.
that we may know each other. inside out. to predict what the other party would say. to help each other to think. sometimes when i walk with her, i sense the walls around her. and yet i am probably guilty of this too. she deserves another better one, no doubt about it. my mind is slow in responding to my heart. the cells go on strike.
now i realize relationships is finding the right balance between physical, verbal, mental and emotional intimacy. the crux of a relationship is neither of these four but the heart. which is the basis yet the end of all four.
i love you.
that we may know each other. inside out. to predict what the other party would say. to help each other to think. sometimes when i walk with her, i sense the walls around her. and yet i am probably guilty of this too. she deserves another better one, no doubt about it. my mind is slow in responding to my heart. the cells go on strike.
now i realize relationships is finding the right balance between physical, verbal, mental and emotional intimacy. the crux of a relationship is neither of these four but the heart. which is the basis yet the end of all four.
i love you.
hMm..
hMm.. i talked to Her on msn a few nights ago and interesting questions came up. thought-provoking, her questions has been stuck in my mind for several days.
the taking, receiving and giving aspects of a relationship.
indeed, the night after we chatted about it, i pondered the questions. this being my first real relationship, i would naturally want it to last as long as possible. but i cannot plan too far ahead and i have to take it one day at a time. love cannot be planned nor foreseen.
the more i thought the more i confused myself. till i distangled myself from the confusion, took a step out and examined the situation from another point of view,. then i saw it. my mistake. taking what was not given. taking more than what i was receiving. in my pursuit, in the short dash, i tried to go faster than time. instead of going along with it, i tried to ran ahead of it. i didnt heed her warnings to slow down. and for this, i'm sorry dear.
Now, i see the importance of time in relationships and its crucial role.
To receive her love with humility and meekness and to give what she needs. a shoulder, a hand, a hug or a man. a ear, a tear,comfort is near. Yet what should i receive i wonder and i realise this fact. simply yet true. i love her. and i will receive whatever she gives. to let her give and i receive. and not to take what she is not ready to give.
Indeed, we have yet to know each other. the result of just two weeks of dating. to know, we have to open. yet, like she said:
"...opening up would mean leaving oneself vulnerable to hurt.and being hurt ain't never nice.always leaves a scar and i guess adds a new layer to how deep one burries oneself..."
Since i cannot foresee the future, i cannot promise not to hurt you, but i know that what i can give i can promise and thus i promise love. love that overcomes hurt.
the taking, receiving and giving aspects of a relationship.
indeed, the night after we chatted about it, i pondered the questions. this being my first real relationship, i would naturally want it to last as long as possible. but i cannot plan too far ahead and i have to take it one day at a time. love cannot be planned nor foreseen.
the more i thought the more i confused myself. till i distangled myself from the confusion, took a step out and examined the situation from another point of view,. then i saw it. my mistake. taking what was not given. taking more than what i was receiving. in my pursuit, in the short dash, i tried to go faster than time. instead of going along with it, i tried to ran ahead of it. i didnt heed her warnings to slow down. and for this, i'm sorry dear.
Now, i see the importance of time in relationships and its crucial role.
To receive her love with humility and meekness and to give what she needs. a shoulder, a hand, a hug or a man. a ear, a tear,comfort is near. Yet what should i receive i wonder and i realise this fact. simply yet true. i love her. and i will receive whatever she gives. to let her give and i receive. and not to take what she is not ready to give.
Indeed, we have yet to know each other. the result of just two weeks of dating. to know, we have to open. yet, like she said:
"...opening up would mean leaving oneself vulnerable to hurt.and being hurt ain't never nice.always leaves a scar and i guess adds a new layer to how deep one burries oneself..."
Since i cannot foresee the future, i cannot promise not to hurt you, but i know that what i can give i can promise and thus i promise love. love that overcomes hurt.
hehe
hMm.. quite some time since i posted.. well, a few days actually. these few days have been quite fun and time seems to be going by very fast. but that happens when you are enjoying the moment/s. one hour with J2 is always faster than half an hour in D.D's lecture. struggled not to sleep today. i failed. for a few minutes or so. cant help it what. so early in the morning, though my heart was already awake cause i met J2 for breakfast, my mind was still sleeping. and recovering from the shock "hallucination" i had last night. imagine being in your own room, at 2am in the morning and somebody calls your name. i have no idea if it was on purpose or just pure imagination. only time will tell i guess.
i can still savour that magical experience at Changi Airport on Sunday with J2. we walked, held hands and talked and laughed and probably brightened up each other's day. definitely an experience hard to forget.
just dont know why most peole think they have low self-esteem. i mean. well, no doubt it is up to you to "grow" your own self-esteem but why let it affect your life? you have the choice. it's Your life not your parents neither is it your friends.
i'm thinking maybe i'll make this blog public when i hit my first month of my relationship. would be easier trying to keep tabs on who has linked to me and who reads my blog.
i can still savour that magical experience at Changi Airport on Sunday with J2. we walked, held hands and talked and laughed and probably brightened up each other's day. definitely an experience hard to forget.
just dont know why most peole think they have low self-esteem. i mean. well, no doubt it is up to you to "grow" your own self-esteem but why let it affect your life? you have the choice. it's Your life not your parents neither is it your friends.
i'm thinking maybe i'll make this blog public when i hit my first month of my relationship. would be easier trying to keep tabs on who has linked to me and who reads my blog.
Monday, August 15, 2005
hMm.. love.. lust.. hatred..
i vaguely rmb an entry i wrote for ussw in sec sch. sad to say, till now i am unable to recall the full definition of U.S.S.W. In it, i commented about the relationship between love, lust and hatred.
lust is love gone wrong.
hatred is love no more.
love is the opposite of hatred.
love, when rejected can become love or hatred.
likewise, hatred can become love, if you allow it to.
love overcomes hatred though at times, it is the basis of hatred.
lust can be linked from love.
love may lead to lust.
most people would group lust and love together but they are completely different
love is from the heart. so is hatred
but lust is of the body.
that's all for now..
lust is love gone wrong.
hatred is love no more.
love is the opposite of hatred.
love, when rejected can become love or hatred.
likewise, hatred can become love, if you allow it to.
love overcomes hatred though at times, it is the basis of hatred.
lust can be linked from love.
love may lead to lust.
most people would group lust and love together but they are completely different
love is from the heart. so is hatred
but lust is of the body.
that's all for now..
love
two elements forming a compound..
perfect understanding of the equation X x Y = XY
starts off with a run and then leaves you breathless
like a river and sea
both similar in water
like the sun and the sea
both important forever
like a deck of cards we play
limited intimacy
like a bunch and pack of hay
separate yet stuck together
like you and me
like you and me
perfect understanding of the equation X x Y = XY
starts off with a run and then leaves you breathless
like a river and sea
both similar in water
like the sun and the sea
both important forever
like a deck of cards we play
limited intimacy
like a bunch and pack of hay
separate yet stuck together
like you and me
like you and me
well...
hMm.. last few days have been passing by quite quickly.. like a blur.. like a run after the wind.
i've been meeting her almost everyday.. either to bedok reservoir or to Changi Airport (ytd) or to Tampines Central Park. just walking, talking, crapping and joking around la. still ain tt sure what she sees in me. after all, she did say laughter ain't everything.
anyway, my number of sms has skyrocketed. hope i wont exceed my free quote that much. need to practice self-control. Love her lots.
Journalism individual assignment is killing me. well, sortof. so many things to do and so little time. i've got band pract on mon and thur cause fri got performance. weird, how ppl can band together despite faulty, old and out-of-tune instruments. And ppl play as a hobby.
How times have changed..
i've been meeting her almost everyday.. either to bedok reservoir or to Changi Airport (ytd) or to Tampines Central Park. just walking, talking, crapping and joking around la. still ain tt sure what she sees in me. after all, she did say laughter ain't everything.
anyway, my number of sms has skyrocketed. hope i wont exceed my free quote that much. need to practice self-control. Love her lots.
Journalism individual assignment is killing me. well, sortof. so many things to do and so little time. i've got band pract on mon and thur cause fri got performance. weird, how ppl can band together despite faulty, old and out-of-tune instruments. And ppl play as a hobby.
How times have changed..
Friday, August 12, 2005
hehe..
hehe. the moment you've been waiting for yeah?
To my fellow readers,
It is my pleasure to inform you that from now on, there will only be one girl in my life. On the 12th of August, between 5.45pm and 5.48pm, on a bench at the Bedok Reservoir Park, I, the owner, writer and publisher of this blog formed a merger with the girl of my heart. Accompanied with birds chirping and the sound of runners feet against the stones, i and her became boyfriend and girlfriend. It is an honour to inform you that J2 will be the only girl in my life from now on, and if it be God's will, till eternity.
I thank you for your time and patience in reading this post. Should you have any questions, comments, complains, feel free to enter them into my tag board.
Thank you! have a nice day and God bless!
From: Publicity Manager of this blog AKA the Owner AKA Your Friend
To my fellow readers,
It is my pleasure to inform you that from now on, there will only be one girl in my life. On the 12th of August, between 5.45pm and 5.48pm, on a bench at the Bedok Reservoir Park, I, the owner, writer and publisher of this blog formed a merger with the girl of my heart. Accompanied with birds chirping and the sound of runners feet against the stones, i and her became boyfriend and girlfriend. It is an honour to inform you that J2 will be the only girl in my life from now on, and if it be God's will, till eternity.
I thank you for your time and patience in reading this post. Should you have any questions, comments, complains, feel free to enter them into my tag board.
Thank you! have a nice day and God bless!
From: Publicity Manager of this blog AKA the Owner AKA Your Friend
Latest:
Exclusive to my faithful readers
Latest: I am single no more. More updates available in the next post. :)
Latest: I am single no more. More updates available in the next post. :)
am i fickle-minded..
my godsis commented that i'm so fickle-minded, changing from girl to girl so fast. so this post is a clarification. of T, J1 and J2.
T. is an indirect junior of me and i have admiration and respect for her. if you were to ask me if I have feelings for her, my answer would be that i have curiosity over the exact nature of her character and i look up to her. a lot. but she does not know it.
J1. i had a crush on her. short-term de. cause i knew i could never make it with her. despite the physical intimacy. i guess she could be good at seducing people or flirting. yet, her character is rather transparent.
J2. well. i need not say much about her if you've read my earlier posts. but fret not if the letters confuse you. there may possibly only be J1 in my posts. no more J2. just, maybe, a dear.
T. is an indirect junior of me and i have admiration and respect for her. if you were to ask me if I have feelings for her, my answer would be that i have curiosity over the exact nature of her character and i look up to her. a lot. but she does not know it.
J1. i had a crush on her. short-term de. cause i knew i could never make it with her. despite the physical intimacy. i guess she could be good at seducing people or flirting. yet, her character is rather transparent.
J2. well. i need not say much about her if you've read my earlier posts. but fret not if the letters confuse you. there may possibly only be J1 in my posts. no more J2. just, maybe, a dear.
hMm.Mm..
well, i had a very profound and though-provoking phone conversation with J2 last night. we chatted from eleven to twelve thirty. ya know, she is the only girl in my life so far that has fallen for me as i fell for her. sorry, still falling for her. We talked about identity crisis, time, life and the philosophical questions. surprisingly, i've never seen this reflective side of her till the conversation. but, the human being has numerous sides, like the numerous pages of a book. i guess there're still other sides of her that i have yet to discover. soon, i might be as happy and knowledgable as miners who just struck gold. or oil. I wonder what sides of my does she know and exactly what sides of me do i show to her?
to be honest, doubt about my own capabilties run through my mind. worries at being unable to make her happy plague my mind. i fear the feard within myself and the demolishmentof the structure of my life. what i have observed and learnt as an outsider on relationships, i realize i have to practise, despite my lack of experience. forsake my friends i should not. done it once i have and it still causes me some grief when i recall it.
i remember the best thing or rather, the worst thing that would break a relationship would be to think too far ahead. i had a friend who gained a bf when she was sec three. i recall that day when she was telling me that she and her bf were making plans about meeting up and stuff after his Os. sadly, they broke up a fortnight later. a lesson that can be applied to life itself, we need to take one step at a time, one day at its best.
to be honest, doubt about my own capabilties run through my mind. worries at being unable to make her happy plague my mind. i fear the feard within myself and the demolishmentof the structure of my life. what i have observed and learnt as an outsider on relationships, i realize i have to practise, despite my lack of experience. forsake my friends i should not. done it once i have and it still causes me some grief when i recall it.
i remember the best thing or rather, the worst thing that would break a relationship would be to think too far ahead. i had a friend who gained a bf when she was sec three. i recall that day when she was telling me that she and her bf were making plans about meeting up and stuff after his Os. sadly, they broke up a fortnight later. a lesson that can be applied to life itself, we need to take one step at a time, one day at its best.
hehe.. tday wasnt tt bad..
hehe.. tdae wasnt tt bad.. though i was like very very surprised tt so many of my classmates read my blog.. hee.. just saying that I'm going out with my friend brought half a dozen immediate replies. "who?" "Is it T?" "Is it J?" "J1 or J2?" my goodness. now i know why my blog counter is like so high. but, i guess that's the human character weakness. kaypoh-ness.
Anyway, after GDF lecture i went to meet J2. (Now you ppl know). technically, i didnt really meet her immediately. had to wait for her cca to end which was around five. then we walked and talked. my goodness! we had to make numerous detours to avoid several loud-mouth people. It's like, we even met her the ppl in her clique and they sortof followed us a short distance. What is relationships and people man? I would have though Chinese drama serials provided enough of that type of entertainment. After walking aimlessly, we went to a nearby void deck to sit down. and it was slightly embarrassing cause several students walked through the void deck and saw us together. some i know and some she knew. but overall, it was enjoyable. we sortof snuggled and cuddled for like fifteen minutes of so. crapped every now and then, just to make her laugh. what a remarkable conversation we had. one part of it caught my attention.
She: Weird...
Me: What thing weird?
(looking back, i realize, shamefully, that my standard of english in communcation is not that good. yet.)
And, if you wanna know what her reply was. it was more to the line of: "weird that we're like this but we're not together."
this definitely set my mind thinking. but, well, in case you want to know the outcome. she is single. i am single. and i will give her all the time she needs to think.
and on the way back.. to her home.. we held hands.. sweet ain't it.. hehe.. and.. well.. i did kiss her.. the back of her hand.. :D
take care amigo!
Anyway, after GDF lecture i went to meet J2. (Now you ppl know). technically, i didnt really meet her immediately. had to wait for her cca to end which was around five. then we walked and talked. my goodness! we had to make numerous detours to avoid several loud-mouth people. It's like, we even met her the ppl in her clique and they sortof followed us a short distance. What is relationships and people man? I would have though Chinese drama serials provided enough of that type of entertainment. After walking aimlessly, we went to a nearby void deck to sit down. and it was slightly embarrassing cause several students walked through the void deck and saw us together. some i know and some she knew. but overall, it was enjoyable. we sortof snuggled and cuddled for like fifteen minutes of so. crapped every now and then, just to make her laugh. what a remarkable conversation we had. one part of it caught my attention.
She: Weird...
Me: What thing weird?
(looking back, i realize, shamefully, that my standard of english in communcation is not that good. yet.)
And, if you wanna know what her reply was. it was more to the line of: "weird that we're like this but we're not together."
this definitely set my mind thinking. but, well, in case you want to know the outcome. she is single. i am single. and i will give her all the time she needs to think.
and on the way back.. to her home.. we held hands.. sweet ain't it.. hehe.. and.. well..
take care amigo!
Thursday, August 11, 2005
life..
life is all about growing up ain't it?
when we were babies, we cired to get our parents attention. regardless of whether we wanted milk or our diaper was wet or we simpy, wanted our parent to lift us up and lull us to sleep, we cried. wailed, bawled, shrieked, we did whatever we could do with our limited abilities to get attention.
when we were primary school students, we learned how to use the huge four-wheeled vehicle called the bus. We barged up buses, ignorant of the people around us. we conversed loudly with our friends at the other end of the buses. Before the bus moved from the bus bay, we have already pressed the bell. a split second later, we are already at the exit, preparing for the opening of the door to allow us to charge down the steps and wave, and shout "goodbye" loudly to the friends that we would meet online in half an hour. we refused to let go of our school bags, always carrying it high and heavy, parading it like an award or a medal. We dare not touch the hands of the opposite gender, flinching at the teachers' orders to "walk in twos and hold hands." we gawk at teenagers wishing that we would not be as old as them. we marvel at their hairstyles and their colours. we stare, without any inconspicuousness, at coupes holding hands or kissing. we yakked incessantly about the latest spiderman or superman cartoon episode. we scoff at people watching hi5 or Barney, calling them childish not knowing that we ourselves are still naive. Our words are clearly heard by people within a metre, or two, of us. the world is still a perfect place for us.
Then, we matured to secondary students. we learn the dangers of the world. the vulnerability. the evils. we learn the "art" of blushing and the reasons behind it. our raging hormones turn our heart upside down. they deceive us. we think we know love but have yet to find it. we learn the superficiality of looks. we learn the importance of character. we realize the fragility and mortality of life. we see death in its wicked form. we realize superman and spiderman do not exist and that superheroes are but a figment of our imagination. we see the intangibility of friendships and the side-effects of relationships. it is this stage of life that we, subconsciously, experience emotions of all shapes and sizes. fear, hunger, sadness, gladness, joy, peace, jealousy, anger, grief, love, lust, hatred, malice and so much more. we learn and see the need for self-control. we get curiosity. about sex. about love. about looking cool and being hip. we learn ways to destroy ourselves. cutting our wrists, contemplating suicide, standing at the edge of our windows, ready to jump. we learn how to curse and swear and behave like uncivilised people. like barbarians. we learn to fight. physically. emotionally. mentally. psychologically. spiritually. for the first time in life, we realize and acknowledge the existence of God in our lives. the world is a place that we can change.
And what about after this stage? only time would tell..
when we were babies, we cired to get our parents attention. regardless of whether we wanted milk or our diaper was wet or we simpy, wanted our parent to lift us up and lull us to sleep, we cried. wailed, bawled, shrieked, we did whatever we could do with our limited abilities to get attention.
when we were primary school students, we learned how to use the huge four-wheeled vehicle called the bus. We barged up buses, ignorant of the people around us. we conversed loudly with our friends at the other end of the buses. Before the bus moved from the bus bay, we have already pressed the bell. a split second later, we are already at the exit, preparing for the opening of the door to allow us to charge down the steps and wave, and shout "goodbye" loudly to the friends that we would meet online in half an hour. we refused to let go of our school bags, always carrying it high and heavy, parading it like an award or a medal. We dare not touch the hands of the opposite gender, flinching at the teachers' orders to "walk in twos and hold hands." we gawk at teenagers wishing that we would not be as old as them. we marvel at their hairstyles and their colours. we stare, without any inconspicuousness, at coupes holding hands or kissing. we yakked incessantly about the latest spiderman or superman cartoon episode. we scoff at people watching hi5 or Barney, calling them childish not knowing that we ourselves are still naive. Our words are clearly heard by people within a metre, or two, of us. the world is still a perfect place for us.
Then, we matured to secondary students. we learn the dangers of the world. the vulnerability. the evils. we learn the "art" of blushing and the reasons behind it. our raging hormones turn our heart upside down. they deceive us. we think we know love but have yet to find it. we learn the superficiality of looks. we learn the importance of character. we realize the fragility and mortality of life. we see death in its wicked form. we realize superman and spiderman do not exist and that superheroes are but a figment of our imagination. we see the intangibility of friendships and the side-effects of relationships. it is this stage of life that we, subconsciously, experience emotions of all shapes and sizes. fear, hunger, sadness, gladness, joy, peace, jealousy, anger, grief, love, lust, hatred, malice and so much more. we learn and see the need for self-control. we get curiosity. about sex. about love. about looking cool and being hip. we learn ways to destroy ourselves. cutting our wrists, contemplating suicide, standing at the edge of our windows, ready to jump. we learn how to curse and swear and behave like uncivilised people. like barbarians. we learn to fight. physically. emotionally. mentally. psychologically. spiritually. for the first time in life, we realize and acknowledge the existence of God in our lives. the world is a place that we can change.
And what about after this stage? only time would tell..
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
we learn so much about life through life
today, i realized the irony of life. how through life, we learn and embrace life.
the world is a place of education. not just in schools but outside school. lifeskills are learnt outside educational institutions.
today, on my way home via bus 15, i sat beside a middle-aged man. with a balding head, he had in his hands two bags of goods. naturally when he took out his wallet, i assumed he was about to alight and i sat straight up and sat as back in my seat as i could to increase the space in front of me. this, i did with a tinge of subtlety and with huge sensitivity.
to my surprise, he did not alight at the next stop. instead, he gazed out of the window. my senses all on alert, my mind monitered his every move through my peripheral line of sight. Now i had to practice sensitivity. I couldnt turn to my side to create more space for him to pass through cause it would seem, to the normal mind, that i was chasing him away. yet, i had to practise courtesy and create space for him to pass with his two goods-laden bags. where can we learn such exquisite skills except in the world?
now the final lesson. when he left, i had to make a decision. how long a time should i leave before i took over his seat? now, you may think this is a stupid decision. want to move just move la. why make it so complicated?
To answer your query, you need to understand one thing. all it takes to set off a fire is a match. sometimes, a spark will do just fine. every single thing that we do and say affects not just us and our peers but also people around us that we do not know nor understand.
Nobody can estimate nor understand a person's level of sensitivity at a glance just like few people see the light in life. sometimes, all it takes to brighten up our day is a warm smile or the light in one's eyes.
see, to understand and appreciate the preciousness and loveliness of love, one needs to see the balance. the warmth. the feelings. the heart. pumping, beating. the love that exists between man, between animals, between nature. and the sensitivity.
Have you tried being sensitive today?
the world is a place of education. not just in schools but outside school. lifeskills are learnt outside educational institutions.
today, on my way home via bus 15, i sat beside a middle-aged man. with a balding head, he had in his hands two bags of goods. naturally when he took out his wallet, i assumed he was about to alight and i sat straight up and sat as back in my seat as i could to increase the space in front of me. this, i did with a tinge of subtlety and with huge sensitivity.
to my surprise, he did not alight at the next stop. instead, he gazed out of the window. my senses all on alert, my mind monitered his every move through my peripheral line of sight. Now i had to practice sensitivity. I couldnt turn to my side to create more space for him to pass through cause it would seem, to the normal mind, that i was chasing him away. yet, i had to practise courtesy and create space for him to pass with his two goods-laden bags. where can we learn such exquisite skills except in the world?
now the final lesson. when he left, i had to make a decision. how long a time should i leave before i took over his seat? now, you may think this is a stupid decision. want to move just move la. why make it so complicated?
To answer your query, you need to understand one thing. all it takes to set off a fire is a match. sometimes, a spark will do just fine. every single thing that we do and say affects not just us and our peers but also people around us that we do not know nor understand.
Nobody can estimate nor understand a person's level of sensitivity at a glance just like few people see the light in life. sometimes, all it takes to brighten up our day is a warm smile or the light in one's eyes.
see, to understand and appreciate the preciousness and loveliness of love, one needs to see the balance. the warmth. the feelings. the heart. pumping, beating. the love that exists between man, between animals, between nature. and the sensitivity.
Have you tried being sensitive today?
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
well, i have no choice but to admit she has been the object of my thoughts..
well. the day is nearly over. a day of rest and relaxation. I have already completed journalism individual tutorial assignments. So, there will be a rush for time as my group scrambles to complete our marketing assignment. and journalism assignment. Managed to finish about a quart of my graphic design assignment. going to complete my A4 advert soon. Soon.
But, despite all that i have been able to accomplish today, i am unable to find certain peace within my heart. and parts of my mind. cause J2 occupies it. So near yet so far. She is barely fifteen minutes walk away yet... we are so far apart.
I can still remember an incident that has been etched onto my mind. We walked along the reservoir yesterday. stopping occasionally to sit down, and laugh and chat. technically, that would be half correct cause she was the one laughing most of the time. either she's easily laughable or.. my jokes were that funny. and lame. :)
Anyway, i remember two particular occasions that we sat down. the first one, while i stood to resume our "trekking", i extended my hand to help life her up. But she stood up on her own. It was the "rest" after that that will remain in my mind. and possiby my heart. I extended both my hands. She accepted both. At that moment, as i pulled her up, our eyes met. (dont worry, sparks didn't fly. Nor was there electricity involved.) That split of a second, I saw trust in her eyes. through her eyes, I saw not a girl nor a human being but that of her character. shape and size had no meaning then as I saw intangible assets. like trust. like an x-ray examination where one sees not the skin nor blood, that exact moment i saw the fullness of her character. i saw trust. and, that moment, my love for her grew.
this is what i have been pondering the whole day. and now.
But, despite all that i have been able to accomplish today, i am unable to find certain peace within my heart. and parts of my mind. cause J2 occupies it. So near yet so far. She is barely fifteen minutes walk away yet... we are so far apart.
I can still remember an incident that has been etched onto my mind. We walked along the reservoir yesterday. stopping occasionally to sit down, and laugh and chat. technically, that would be half correct cause she was the one laughing most of the time. either she's easily laughable or.. my jokes were that funny. and lame. :)
Anyway, i remember two particular occasions that we sat down. the first one, while i stood to resume our "trekking", i extended my hand to help life her up. But she stood up on her own. It was the "rest" after that that will remain in my mind. and possiby my heart. I extended both my hands. She accepted both. At that moment, as i pulled her up, our eyes met. (dont worry, sparks didn't fly. Nor was there electricity involved.) That split of a second, I saw trust in her eyes. through her eyes, I saw not a girl nor a human being but that of her character. shape and size had no meaning then as I saw intangible assets. like trust. like an x-ray examination where one sees not the skin nor blood, that exact moment i saw the fullness of her character. i saw trust. and, that moment, my love for her grew.
this is what i have been pondering the whole day. and now.
Monday, August 08, 2005
oh dear.. what can the matter be.. with me?
oh my. i just realized. after some research. both Js in my life are unpopular and not well-liked in school la. haix. i am seriously unsure about my feelings towards J2 la. both Js can be rather act-cute la but the diff between J2 is that whenever we depart from each other, i depart with a smile on my face. simply put, she brightens up my day. Height isnt much of a matter. cause my arm, though casual, can still go around her shoulder. but it's this rebellious streak that is present in both of their characters that distresses me. They aren't exactly guai-kia-s just like i'm not exactly a pai-kia. yet characters aside, i wonder about her feelings towards me. if she has any. i know i do have some towards her. not much but not too little.
i wonder, how much importance do i play in her life. i know she plays a rather big role in my life. now. but i know, if i do stead with her, it would not last that long. cause, the feelings i have for her are based on experiences and times together, and not so much of character and mentality.
Now i realize what an understatement it was when i said that the two Js are turning my whole life upside-down.
J2. your image has been burned onto my mind. i cannot help but imagine your laughter inside my head. i wonder, do you know the impact you leave on me? is there a chance we might be together? and last long.. and satisfy both our needs? cause i know, no matter what happens, that sensitivity in me wishes not that you get hurt..
can my heart take your entry into my life?
i wonder, how much importance do i play in her life. i know she plays a rather big role in my life. now. but i know, if i do stead with her, it would not last that long. cause, the feelings i have for her are based on experiences and times together, and not so much of character and mentality.
Now i realize what an understatement it was when i said that the two Js are turning my whole life upside-down.
J2. your image has been burned onto my mind. i cannot help but imagine your laughter inside my head. i wonder, do you know the impact you leave on me? is there a chance we might be together? and last long.. and satisfy both our needs? cause i know, no matter what happens, that sensitivity in me wishes not that you get hurt..
can my heart take your entry into my life?
alas.. is my taste tt poor.. or am i doomed.. to single-hood.. but.. then.. again..
hMm.. i had quite a fun day tdae.. had erm wad was it.. oh yah! gdf no no wrong one.. is essential graphics tutorial.. learned dreamweaver.. hMm.. maybe i can create my own blogskin using that.. probably do it during the hols.. or something..
anyway.. after tutorial went for lecture.. well, i slept a bit.. during her lecture. hope she didn't notice.. hee.. but then again.. i dont think she knows what i know which is that she lives near me.. or rather, i live near her.. which ever way ya wanna see it.. two streets away la.. maybe i should get to know her better.. then can get a lift to school.. hehe.. her car so big.. i can help her occupy it.. hehe..
and.. after that had a five hour break. So, i went out with J2. hehe. it was fun la dear. you know that. lol. i know that too. i met her at the interchange then we went to tm and cs but too crowded so we went back to shss there to eat lunch. Met quite a few ppl in tm seh. wanted to go to the kopitiam opp sch but saw a few shss teachers there so decided not to. went to another one. hee. but this ain't the fun part.
the best part was, she wanted to go to bedok reservoir. so we went. walked. and walked. and talked. and talked. and laughed. and laughed. For about an hour and a half, we spent quality time together. (smiles) Overall, it was a loving day la. hehe.
then went back for marketing lecture. supposed to meet J2 after that, accompany her to the chalet de.. but lecture ended so early.. so cldn't meet.. but.. probably will see her soon la.
though i still cant believe she's a pastor's, sorry, reverend's daughter la. not that she's unholy or anything but, well, it just doesn't fit la. rebellious streak and all. sorry.
anyway.. after tutorial went for lecture.. well, i slept a bit.. during her lecture. hope she didn't notice.. hee.. but then again.. i dont think she knows what i know which is that she lives near me.. or rather, i live near her.. which ever way ya wanna see it.. two streets away la.. maybe i should get to know her better.. then can get a lift to school.. hehe.. her car so big.. i can help her occupy it.. hehe..
and.. after that had a five hour break. So, i went out with J2. hehe.
the best part was, she wanted to go to bedok reservoir. so we went. walked. and walked. and talked. and talked. and laughed. and laughed. For about an hour and a half, we spent quality time together. (smiles) Overall, it was a loving day la. hehe.
then went back for marketing lecture. supposed to meet J2 after that, accompany her to the chalet de.. but lecture ended so early.. so cldn't meet.. but.. probably will see her soon la.
though i still cant believe she's a pastor's, sorry, reverend's daughter la. not that she's unholy or anything but, well, it just doesn't fit la. rebellious streak and all. sorry.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
haha.. now i know why..
haha.. finally i see the light and i know why the two Js have been destroying my life.. k la.. not destroying.. but spinning it around..
see.. in my sixteen-going-on-seventeen years of living.. Js or people whose names with Js have affected my life..
it's not superstition or anything.. just.. well, most ppl wld say plain coincidence i say it's.. by a divine being.. hehe..
the crush that I had in primary five.. it was a rather major one.. her name started with J.. and.. well, duh, christianity is based on Jesus.. and.. in sec two.. the girl i liked.. that nearly liked me.. her name started with J too.. and.. well, yah.. you know about the two Js.. and.. well, of course names that start with J are quite common.. but.. nevertheless.. it's things like this that humour me.. gotta take everything in a positive manner ya know.. or life would be quite depressing.. :D
see.. in my sixteen-going-on-seventeen years of living.. Js or people whose names with Js have affected my life..
it's not superstition or anything.. just.. well, most ppl wld say plain coincidence i say it's.. by a divine being.. hehe..
the crush that I had in primary five.. it was a rather major one.. her name started with J.. and.. well, duh, christianity is based on Jesus.. and.. in sec two.. the girl i liked.. that nearly liked me.. her name started with J too.. and.. well, yah.. you know about the two Js.. and.. well, of course names that start with J are quite common.. but.. nevertheless.. it's things like this that humour me.. gotta take everything in a positive manner ya know.. or life would be quite depressing.. :D
todae was farnie funny farnny far-haha-ny :D
today was fun!!! well, sortof la.
sad to say, i skipped cell. then met J2 for lunch. met my parents. Thank God they didnt seem me and Her la. If not die liao, I'm not with her lor. weird right. but, I know their minds.. and.. if they see me with a girl.. it would be disastrous..
anyway.. we went long john silver..
Note: Advice For Guys, before you suan any girl, ensure that your legs are together and not, in any way, spread out or else... you know! You Have Been Warned!
and.. at long john.. we sat beside a family of four.. and they were very cute la.. no.. not the parents.. (duH!).. the kids.. two daughters.. one would be, like around two or three yrs of age? and the other two or three yrs older. anyway, i suck at guessing people's age la. but i know my age. i'm 71. oh wait. no i'm not that old.oh yah. the other way round. 17. sorry. hee.
and.. the younger daughter was so cute. cause there was a board that blocked any eye contact between my (our) table and their table. so the daughter was looking at me through the wide slit below the board. and her eyes were, staring intently at me while i tried to eat my chicken. and all this while, J2 who was sittin opp me was laughing like a hyena. well, of course, i tried to smile at the kid who was staring at me. an unsuccessful attempt. Well, I offered her chicken. (her dad's back was facing towards me, btw) She looked at the chicken. then looked at me. With her mouth slightly open to show me that she didn't have much teeth. Now I know why people say babies are smarter than adults. Or maybe it's just me. hee.
So, there I was. the kid staring at me. i'm sticking my fork into the chicken and raising it to my mouth. i sense her eyes on me. on my chicken. and on my hand. as my mouth slowly opens for the arrival of the chicken, my eyes notify me that her eyes is focused on the chicken. as my teeth leave bite marks on the chicken, as my hand slowly lowers, i look to my left and her eyes meet my eyes. Chemistry? No way! More of a conversation between a Singaporean and an Eskimo.
Anyway, that's all for now. nothing else exciting happened in the day.
OH YAH!!! Have!!! On my way to church, bus 293 drove past me. So, I glanced at it. And saw another baby, face pressed to the window, and a huge cheerful grin pasted on her face. and when she saw me looking at her, she waved At ME!!! sad, my reflexes were not fast enough to wave back. I think that girl is destined to be a politician ya know. gaining experience of waving to people onboard a moving vehicle.
anyway, that's really about it. nothing baby-ish else happened. As my godsis always like to say, tata!
sad to say, i skipped cell. then met J2 for lunch. met my parents. Thank God they didnt seem me and Her la. If not die liao, I'm not with her lor. weird right. but, I know their minds.. and.. if they see me with a girl.. it would be disastrous..
anyway.. we went long john silver..
Note: Advice For Guys, before you suan any girl, ensure that your legs are together and not, in any way, spread out or else... you know! You Have Been Warned!
and.. at long john.. we sat beside a family of four.. and they were very cute la.. no.. not the parents.. (duH!).. the kids.. two daughters.. one would be, like around two or three yrs of age? and the other two or three yrs older. anyway, i suck at guessing people's age la. but i know my age. i'm 71. oh wait. no i'm not that old.oh yah. the other way round. 17. sorry. hee.
and.. the younger daughter was so cute. cause there was a board that blocked any eye contact between my (our) table and their table. so the daughter was looking at me through the wide slit below the board. and her eyes were, staring intently at me while i tried to eat my chicken. and all this while, J2 who was sittin opp me was laughing like a hyena. well, of course, i tried to smile at the kid who was staring at me. an unsuccessful attempt. Well, I offered her chicken. (her dad's back was facing towards me, btw) She looked at the chicken. then looked at me. With her mouth slightly open to show me that she didn't have much teeth. Now I know why people say babies are smarter than adults. Or maybe it's just me. hee.
So, there I was. the kid staring at me. i'm sticking my fork into the chicken and raising it to my mouth. i sense her eyes on me. on my chicken. and on my hand. as my mouth slowly opens for the arrival of the chicken, my eyes notify me that her eyes is focused on the chicken. as my teeth leave bite marks on the chicken, as my hand slowly lowers, i look to my left and her eyes meet my eyes. Chemistry? No way! More of a conversation between a Singaporean and an Eskimo.
Anyway, that's all for now. nothing else exciting happened in the day.
OH YAH!!! Have!!! On my way to church, bus 293 drove past me. So, I glanced at it. And saw another baby, face pressed to the window, and a huge cheerful grin pasted on her face. and when she saw me looking at her, she waved At ME!!! sad, my reflexes were not fast enough to wave back. I think that girl is destined to be a politician ya know. gaining experience of waving to people onboard a moving vehicle.
anyway, that's really about it. nothing baby-ish else happened. As my godsis always like to say, tata!
oh my.. my life.. life in.. in discords..
To my regular readers:
If you have been following my blog posts regularly, you would know that there are two Js in my life. well, technically one was and is not and possibly will not be in my life. hee. that sounds so like-revelation type of phrase. anyway, these two Js have been happily creating confusion and turning my whole world upside down.
Speaking of upside-down, i strongly recommend you all listen to "Spinning Around" by Jump5. Ask me on msn if you want it limited time only. :D
Now, back to the Js. Both are similar in several facial looks and erm, spellings of some phrases. One, J2, reads my blog occasionally. And she's very very very valuable or rather invaluable cause she knows the identity of J1 and T. T has more importance in my life though.
My life has been topsy-turvy ever since both Js stepped through my life. in my life, i mean. I've been spending time with each J on Sundays. In case you're thinking i'm yi da liang chuan-ing (one step two boats in chinese, layman's terms would be two-timer) let me just say that a quart's of my heart is with T, another quart is with J2. and the rest? they're with my friends. Tall, short, long, fat, thin, chinese, malay, indian, english, loud, soft, shy, outgoing, cheerful, depressive, vulgar, soft-spoken, polite, gracious, motherly, daughter-ly, brother-ly, sensitive, lukewarm, insensitive, generous, helpful, kind, rude, obsessive, posessive, proud, humble, meek, mature, childish, single, attached, divorced, old, young, middle-aged, male, female, male that acts female, female that acts male, trustable, honest, sly, liar, cheater, lame, serious, smart, and... many more. hee
Anyway, that's all. la. hope to have a chance to talk to T. HOPE.
From: The Blogger of This Blog
If you have been following my blog posts regularly, you would know that there are two Js in my life. well, technically one was and is not and possibly will not be in my life. hee. that sounds so like-revelation type of phrase. anyway, these two Js have been happily creating confusion and turning my whole world upside down.
Speaking of upside-down, i strongly recommend you all listen to "Spinning Around" by Jump5. Ask me on msn if you want it limited time only. :D
Now, back to the Js. Both are similar in several facial looks and erm, spellings of some phrases. One, J2, reads my blog occasionally. And she's very very very valuable or rather invaluable cause she knows the identity of J1 and T. T has more importance in my life though.
My life has been topsy-turvy ever since both Js stepped through my life. in my life, i mean. I've been spending time with each J on Sundays. In case you're thinking i'm yi da liang chuan-ing (one step two boats in chinese, layman's terms would be two-timer) let me just say that a quart's of my heart is with T, another quart is with J2. and the rest? they're with my friends. Tall, short, long, fat, thin, chinese, malay, indian, english, loud, soft, shy, outgoing, cheerful, depressive, vulgar, soft-spoken, polite, gracious, motherly, daughter-ly, brother-ly, sensitive, lukewarm, insensitive, generous, helpful, kind, rude, obsessive, posessive, proud, humble, meek, mature, childish, single, attached, divorced, old, young, middle-aged, male, female, male that acts female, female that acts male, trustable, honest, sly, liar, cheater, lame, serious, smart, and... many more. hee
Anyway, that's all. la. hope to have a chance to talk to T. HOPE.
From: The Blogger of This Blog
hMm..
hMm.. i just realised.. the 2 Js.. in my life.. have actually moulded my thinking.. and preferences..
see.. the first J once asked me a question which was what do i look for in a girl.. which set me thinking.. quite a bit..
cause looking back.. in my life.. every year my preferences changed.. from body looks.. to body shape.. to unique characteristics..
and.. well.. from J1.. i realized.. i'm looking for sensitivity.. not just being sensitive but sensitive to others too.. too often we hurt others by our words without knowing it..
and.. after observing J2 last night.. i realised.. i'm also looking for worship in a girl.. the heart of worship.. or rather someone with a passion for God.. and for living..
indeed.. talking about living.. J1 and J2.. are completely different in this matter. one cuts her wrists for fun.. and takes life rather.. harshly i would say.. and J2.. enjoys life, with a tinge of humour..
see.. the first J once asked me a question which was what do i look for in a girl.. which set me thinking.. quite a bit..
cause looking back.. in my life.. every year my preferences changed.. from body looks.. to body shape.. to unique characteristics..
and.. well.. from J1.. i realized.. i'm looking for sensitivity.. not just being sensitive but sensitive to others too.. too often we hurt others by our words without knowing it..
and.. after observing J2 last night.. i realised.. i'm also looking for worship in a girl.. the heart of worship.. or rather someone with a passion for God.. and for living..
indeed.. talking about living.. J1 and J2.. are completely different in this matter. one cuts her wrists for fun.. and takes life rather.. harshly i would say.. and J2.. enjoys life, with a tinge of humour..
Friday, August 05, 2005
a time for everything... what time is it?
when i look back upon my life, i feel ashamed. and hurt.
cause the hurt i cause others i keep it in me. to remind me. to protect me.
cause the wrongs i've done is unpleasing to one's eye.
cause there are so many opportunities that I've not grasped to be there for a friend.
cause the chances that i've missed are gone and can not be retrieved.
cause i tried i to let friendship run faster than time.
which is against the law and rule of time.
"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to build,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. "
Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 8.
cause the hurt i cause others i keep it in me. to remind me. to protect me.
cause the wrongs i've done is unpleasing to one's eye.
cause there are so many opportunities that I've not grasped to be there for a friend.
cause the chances that i've missed are gone and can not be retrieved.
cause i tried i to let friendship run faster than time.
which is against the law and rule of time.
"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to build,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. "
Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 8.
haix.. today.. where my mind has becomed confused..
i had sch and ccn day. car wash. Washed about five cars. definitely don't want to talk about that. the water the sun and the cars. Did learn that one of my lecturer and ex-tutor stays near me. too bad i ain't close or on friendly terms with her. can catch a lift every now and then. :)
now the part where my mind is too confused. mind, not brain.
after sch, or rather, at around three, i went out of school. couldn't stand the noise. though it was interesting to note that darryl david wore sunglasses while gazing upon the band. i wonder is he trying to cover up bloodshot eyes or he doesn't like crowds and possibly likes to be the hunter instead of being hunted.
after a meal at mac and a bus-trip round, i went to A1 to meet g c py and gang. quite a lot actually. c and bc and sl and j and l. i still don't know why i liked bc last time. anyway, they, through a method i'm am not gg to publicise here, saw a pic of me and J. J1 to be exact. (now You know). and that's where all the hustle and bustle started.
amazing ain't it that just because there's a pic of me and her, it means we stead. i feel so reflective. i suppose in a way, I failed her as a friend since I didn't step up to her defense. but what they say about her is true. and indeed, i will never be with her. except as a friend. J1. she's turning my whole life upside-down. in a way it's good cause it tests my damage control aspect, but, i've grown too used to the open secrecy of my life.
at least i know, that g c and py know who i really like. or rather, should i say, they know the identity of T.
Yet, what's confusing my mind is not about J1. I know what I should do but not how to do. how do you gently withdraw from the intimacy of a friendship? without implicating a third party nor causing grief or hurting the other party. If she hurts, i hurt too. That's what I believe in. that's what I do for a living. ensuring that the other party goes not get hurt by what i do and what i say. but it's hard.
especially with the current situation about J1. If only I knew J2 first before I knew J1. Through what little intuition I have, i know that J2's reputation will definitely be better than that of J1. though there is a risk of being a third-party. even guys have feelings and can be hurt too ya know.
now the part where my mind is too confused. mind, not brain.
after sch, or rather, at around three, i went out of school. couldn't stand the noise. though it was interesting to note that darryl david wore sunglasses while gazing upon the band. i wonder is he trying to cover up bloodshot eyes or he doesn't like crowds and possibly likes to be the hunter instead of being hunted.
after a meal at mac and a bus-trip round, i went to A1 to meet g c py and gang. quite a lot actually. c and bc and sl and j and l. i still don't know why i liked bc last time. anyway, they, through a method i'm am not gg to publicise here, saw a pic of me and J. J1 to be exact. (now You know). and that's where all the hustle and bustle started.
amazing ain't it that just because there's a pic of me and her, it means we stead. i feel so reflective. i suppose in a way, I failed her as a friend since I didn't step up to her defense. but what they say about her is true. and indeed, i will never be with her. except as a friend. J1. she's turning my whole life upside-down. in a way it's good cause it tests my damage control aspect, but, i've grown too used to the open secrecy of my life.
at least i know, that g c and py know who i really like. or rather, should i say, they know the identity of T.
Yet, what's confusing my mind is not about J1. I know what I should do but not how to do. how do you gently withdraw from the intimacy of a friendship? without implicating a third party nor causing grief or hurting the other party. If she hurts, i hurt too. That's what I believe in. that's what I do for a living. ensuring that the other party goes not get hurt by what i do and what i say. but it's hard.
especially with the current situation about J1. If only I knew J2 first before I knew J1. Through what little intuition I have, i know that J2's reputation will definitely be better than that of J1. though there is a risk of being a third-party. even guys have feelings and can be hurt too ya know.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
mind or the brain? or both?
have you ever wondered does the mind exist?
We always use the words brain and mind interchangeably. In fact, most of us probably use mind to mean brain so often that we become desensitised and overlook the purity and invaluable value of it.
We all know what a brain looks like. it has two sides, purple-pinkish in colour as depicted in many many many television shows like CSI. We also know that our brain has a right side and a left side. Every action or thought is controlled by the brain. one side of the brain that is.
But what about the mind? Most of us know the mind exists because we believe that's where our thoughts come from. but don't our thoughts come from our brain? We also know that our mind exists through religious knowledge. like for example Christians know the mind exists through understanding of the verse Romans 8:6 "The mind of sinful man is death but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." I'm sure other religions also profess the existence of a mind. After all, don't buddhist monks meditate to clear their minds? now if there exists not such thing as a mind, wouldn't all of our religions be declared false? In that case, wouldn't everybody not have a mind? Atheists believe that there is no God but doesn't one need to use the mind to determine and convince oneself if there really is a God? thus, it would be safe to conclude that there is no such thing as mind. wouldn't it?
Scientists cannot confirm the mind. or the existence of it. they can give us the specifications of the brain and all its various vessels and the type of tissue it consists of but they cannot tell us anything about the mind.
Does this mean that there really is no such thing as a mind?
But you and me know we have a mind. Not brain. Mind. not a mind shared but a mind in each individual.
In that case, what does a mind look like? or, is it even a solid? Can it not be a liquid or a gas? is it even made by elements of this earth?
Before we go on. let us agree on one point first. which is that we use our mind to think. Wouldn't you also agree with me that our mind may be the one that contains our conscience?
Now, in order to use the mind to think, we have to agree that there is a mind. right? Which makes you wonder. there's a mind and there's brain. Aren't all these two realms?
does not our bodies boast two different realms? the physical and the unseen. Who has seen the mind raise up your hand. Now, who has seen the brain, raise up your hand.
Therefore, we have one realm which consists of the brain and the other unseen realm that consists of the mind. and how do we know that we really have a mind? Because We know. that piece of knowledge has been pre-loaded onto us ever since we were born.
And what other body parts that we have can be divided into two different realms?
What else but the heart. Think about it. emotions like love or sadness cannot be created by the physical heart. the physical heart just ensures our physical survival by pumping blood. the brain just ensures our physical motions by registering and probably adminstering activity.
So, at this stage, we agree that the physical heart and the physical brain is one realm and the unseen heart and mind is in another realm.
And, to end with a question, wouldn't the unseen heart be your soul?
We always use the words brain and mind interchangeably. In fact, most of us probably use mind to mean brain so often that we become desensitised and overlook the purity and invaluable value of it.
We all know what a brain looks like. it has two sides, purple-pinkish in colour as depicted in many many many television shows like CSI. We also know that our brain has a right side and a left side. Every action or thought is controlled by the brain. one side of the brain that is.
But what about the mind? Most of us know the mind exists because we believe that's where our thoughts come from. but don't our thoughts come from our brain? We also know that our mind exists through religious knowledge. like for example Christians know the mind exists through understanding of the verse Romans 8:6 "The mind of sinful man is death but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." I'm sure other religions also profess the existence of a mind. After all, don't buddhist monks meditate to clear their minds? now if there exists not such thing as a mind, wouldn't all of our religions be declared false? In that case, wouldn't everybody not have a mind? Atheists believe that there is no God but doesn't one need to use the mind to determine and convince oneself if there really is a God? thus, it would be safe to conclude that there is no such thing as mind. wouldn't it?
Scientists cannot confirm the mind. or the existence of it. they can give us the specifications of the brain and all its various vessels and the type of tissue it consists of but they cannot tell us anything about the mind.
Does this mean that there really is no such thing as a mind?
But you and me know we have a mind. Not brain. Mind. not a mind shared but a mind in each individual.
In that case, what does a mind look like? or, is it even a solid? Can it not be a liquid or a gas? is it even made by elements of this earth?
Before we go on. let us agree on one point first. which is that we use our mind to think. Wouldn't you also agree with me that our mind may be the one that contains our conscience?
Now, in order to use the mind to think, we have to agree that there is a mind. right? Which makes you wonder. there's a mind and there's brain. Aren't all these two realms?
does not our bodies boast two different realms? the physical and the unseen. Who has seen the mind raise up your hand. Now, who has seen the brain, raise up your hand.
Therefore, we have one realm which consists of the brain and the other unseen realm that consists of the mind. and how do we know that we really have a mind? Because We know. that piece of knowledge has been pre-loaded onto us ever since we were born.
And what other body parts that we have can be divided into two different realms?
What else but the heart. Think about it. emotions like love or sadness cannot be created by the physical heart. the physical heart just ensures our physical survival by pumping blood. the brain just ensures our physical motions by registering and probably adminstering activity.
So, at this stage, we agree that the physical heart and the physical brain is one realm and the unseen heart and mind is in another realm.
And, to end with a question, wouldn't the unseen heart be your soul?
dear diary,
Today was very very unique. it rained heavily in the morning. and it was so awesome. the trees dancing to the unsteady tempo of the wind and the flat and sharp sounds of the bustle and hustle of what else but the wind. Indeed, it was a totally sensational experience. not just to feel the spit of the rain upon your face, but to feel the power of God in the wind. the best part was seeing a bi-directional flow of the rain. who says all rain flows, or in the case of a severe thunderstorm, blows in one direction? i observed, with my own naked eyes, two different directions that the rain took.
then, i had school. media and society was a bore. especially when several people didn't come for tutorial today.
After that, we went for lunch. at engine sch. honestly, to tell you the truth, having six different canteens to choose from has no hungry effect on me now. it's all the same. western, chinese, malay. drinks. to put it in simple words, the food bores me. OR it could just be the company. OR maybe not.
After lunch, we separated and each went to do what we went to do. we sortof re-grouped back again during lecture.
Now comes the exciting part. J called me during sch. and I met up with J after sch. hee. readers, be warned. these are two different Js i'm talking about. confusing ain't it? Maybe i should give them a label like J1 and J2. but that's so like Journalism 1: News Writing and Journalism 2: Feature Writing. Back to, erm, whatever I was saying. I went out with J.
Now, come to think of it. I make both Js laugh quite alot. And both are rather similar yet different. They have lots of weirdy thingys hanging on their handphone chains. or whatever it's called. They.. have a unique way of writing you and other english words. Neither singlish nor any language that I have ever seen before in my whole entire life. Which is not that long. just 17 years or so.
We walked the same place that we walked yesterday. Thank God the classmate that saw us together yesterday wasn't here today. Imagine being with the same person and being seen twice in the same area in two consecutive days.
We talked and talked and joked and laughed and talked. she is attached ya know and no, I'm not trying or being the third party. She knows who I like and, well, I think I know who she likes. lah.
In fact, she would probably read this when i publish this entry which means that I cannot say too much about her. or too little either. People need fame and recognition sometimes to feeel good.
To J, the one that I was with today, don't worry about him and you. or rather, you and him. As long as the passion is there, the relationship will succeed. love ain't about maturity though sensitivity is involved.
To my diary, dear diary. I have no idea why I'm calling you dear diary when you aren't actually a diary. I used to have a diary last time. or rather, a notebook which i wrote down my daily thoughts. I guess, that would be your predecessor dear diary.
Dear diary, that is all I have to say for now. cause i feel like writing an reflective journal entry in you later about a mind. though i strongly believe that it would amount to nothing conclusive.
Dear diary, do you know that this entry has a lot of twins?
Yours Sincerely,
Your owner.
Today was very very unique. it rained heavily in the morning. and it was so awesome. the trees dancing to the unsteady tempo of the wind and the flat and sharp sounds of the bustle and hustle of what else but the wind. Indeed, it was a totally sensational experience. not just to feel the spit of the rain upon your face, but to feel the power of God in the wind. the best part was seeing a bi-directional flow of the rain. who says all rain flows, or in the case of a severe thunderstorm, blows in one direction? i observed, with my own naked eyes, two different directions that the rain took.
then, i had school. media and society was a bore. especially when several people didn't come for tutorial today.
After that, we went for lunch. at engine sch. honestly, to tell you the truth, having six different canteens to choose from has no hungry effect on me now. it's all the same. western, chinese, malay. drinks. to put it in simple words, the food bores me. OR it could just be the company. OR maybe not.
After lunch, we separated and each went to do what we went to do. we sortof re-grouped back again during lecture.
Now comes the exciting part.
Now, come to think of it. I make both Js laugh quite alot. And both are rather similar yet different. They have lots of weirdy thingys hanging on their handphone chains. or whatever it's called. They.. have a unique way of writing you and other english words. Neither singlish nor any language that I have ever seen before in my whole entire life. Which is not that long. just 17 years or so.
We walked the same place that we walked yesterday. Thank God the classmate that saw us together yesterday wasn't here today. Imagine being with the same person and being seen twice in the same area in two consecutive days.
We talked and talked and joked and laughed and talked. she is attached ya know and no, I'm not trying or being the third party. She knows who I like and, well, I think I know who she likes. lah.
In fact, she would probably read this when i publish this entry which means that I cannot say too much about her. or too little either. People need fame and recognition sometimes to feeel good.
To J, the one that I was with today, don't worry about him and you. or rather, you and him. As long as the passion is there, the relationship will succeed. love ain't about maturity though sensitivity is involved.
To my diary, dear diary. I have no idea why I'm calling you dear diary when you aren't actually a diary. I used to have a diary last time. or rather, a notebook which i wrote down my daily thoughts. I guess, that would be your predecessor dear diary.
Dear diary, that is all I have to say for now. cause i feel like writing an reflective journal entry in you later about a mind. though i strongly believe that it would amount to nothing conclusive.
Dear diary, do you know that this entry has a lot of twins?
Yours Sincerely,
Your owner.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
tdae.. was fun!!!
hee.. life's great now.. well.. ok.. maybe not tt gr8.. but i havent really been thinking about J.. which is both a good thing and a bad thing.. but.. well.. i guess there come about times where you can only love a person till a particular level before it becomes jealousy or lust or hatred.. and i am rather content to just love her one day la.. though it's quite bad of me.. a one-day stead.. imagine that.
had a gloriously fun day today. went out with J. hee. too many Js in my life. so dont be mistaken. this is a different yet same J. hee. when everythings over and stuff, maybe i'll tell you why that sentence, though it sounds "what-the-hell" to you, is a perfectly accurate statement.
I made her laugh. And laugh. and laugh. which is quite a good thing. I suppose it's so nice to make ppl laugh. not at you but with you. though, i have to apoogise for the rather lame standard of the jokes. but, hey, lame jokes no hurt nobody..
Two Js in my life. well, currently in my life. there are quite a lot of other ppl in my life who are Js. dont ask me why i have an infatuation with that letter. cause. it just happens to be.
Guess what I learned today. we are merely souls living in spirits living in bodies. yupz. when we die, our body dies, as you can see from cremation. and we become souls living in spirits. so, there. a three-in-one. strange. just like the Holy Trinity eh.
had a gloriously fun day today. went out with J. hee. too many Js in my life. so dont be mistaken. this is a different yet same J. hee. when everythings over and stuff, maybe i'll tell you why that sentence, though it sounds "what-the-hell" to you, is a perfectly accurate statement.
I made her laugh. And laugh. and laugh. which is quite a good thing. I suppose it's so nice to make ppl laugh. not at you but with you. though, i have to apoogise for the rather lame standard of the jokes. but, hey, lame jokes no hurt nobody..
Two Js in my life. well, currently in my life. there are quite a lot of other ppl in my life who are Js. dont ask me why i have an infatuation with that letter. cause. it just happens to be.
Guess what I learned today. we are merely souls living in spirits living in bodies. yupz. when we die, our body dies, as you can see from cremation. and we become souls living in spirits. so, there. a three-in-one. strange. just like the Holy Trinity eh.
Monday, August 01, 2005
have you?
have you wondered what an ant would hear
as we walk along the street?
have you wondered what a fly would hear
as the butcher chops the meat?
have you ever thought of
the lizard's hearing
as we go bowling
did you ever think
of what a cockroach thinks
before the blow of death strikes down
crushed bug, limping spider
swatted mosquito, tail-less lizard
small, tiny, minute, unseen
yet they have a part to play
in thhis giant drama that we call
life.
as we walk along the street?
have you wondered what a fly would hear
as the butcher chops the meat?
have you ever thought of
the lizard's hearing
as we go bowling
did you ever think
of what a cockroach thinks
before the blow of death strikes down
crushed bug, limping spider
swatted mosquito, tail-less lizard
small, tiny, minute, unseen
yet they have a part to play
in thhis giant drama that we call
life.
hMm.. Am i tt transparent?
oh my.. i don't believe this. J has entered and turned my life upside-down. But. though a part of me wants to believe it, the other half the opposite.. now that I know, through external parties, her bad points.. her words play with my mind.. taunting teasing. has my image of her been corroded beyond repair? Am I like a tree whose stem has broken off or is it simply just a branch that has been felled?
T. Do i love you? or like you? can a relationship be built on admiration? can a friendship be built on a relationship?
T. Do i love you? or like you? can a relationship be built on admiration? can a friendship be built on a relationship?
alas.. she cheat my feelings
haix.. confusion's in my mind.. knowing what she does.. what she did.. what she might do.. the knowledge that she's just toying with my affections.. making my whole world upside-down.. now i really have no choice.. for some things determine how and where and why and what i should do and go..
God is in control.
God is in control.
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