i had sch and ccn day. car wash. Washed about five cars. definitely don't want to talk about that. the water the sun and the cars. Did learn that one of my lecturer and ex-tutor stays near me. too bad i ain't close or on friendly terms with her. can catch a lift every now and then. :)
now the part where my mind is too confused. mind, not brain.
after sch, or rather, at around three, i went out of school. couldn't stand the noise. though it was interesting to note that darryl david wore sunglasses while gazing upon the band. i wonder is he trying to cover up bloodshot eyes or he doesn't like crowds and possibly likes to be the hunter instead of being hunted.
after a meal at mac and a bus-trip round, i went to A1 to meet g c py and gang. quite a lot actually. c and bc and sl and j and l. i still don't know why i liked bc last time. anyway, they, through a method i'm am not gg to publicise here, saw a pic of me and J. J1 to be exact. (now You know). and that's where all the hustle and bustle started.
amazing ain't it that just because there's a pic of me and her, it means we stead. i feel so reflective. i suppose in a way, I failed her as a friend since I didn't step up to her defense. but what they say about her is true. and indeed, i will never be with her. except as a friend. J1. she's turning my whole life upside-down. in a way it's good cause it tests my damage control aspect, but, i've grown too used to the open secrecy of my life.
at least i know, that g c and py know who i really like. or rather, should i say, they know the identity of T.
Yet, what's confusing my mind is not about J1. I know what I should do but not how to do. how do you gently withdraw from the intimacy of a friendship? without implicating a third party nor causing grief or hurting the other party. If she hurts, i hurt too. That's what I believe in. that's what I do for a living. ensuring that the other party goes not get hurt by what i do and what i say. but it's hard.
especially with the current situation about J1. If only I knew J2 first before I knew J1. Through what little intuition I have, i know that J2's reputation will definitely be better than that of J1. though there is a risk of being a third-party. even guys have feelings and can be hurt too ya know.
