the aftershocks

the aftershocks over last night has finally arrived. my heart rebels against me. not believing. that in a night, just one night, my life has turned upside down.

i was perfectly fine walking on a plank between two cliffs.. till the surging waves came. pushing me off-balance, making me fall.. and holding on to the plank with one hand.. the plank that is my life..

i desperately cling on.. with my heart half gone.. knowing.. i have others to think about.. i have made the decision.. and i have to live with it. with no warning, a wave breaks my plank in half.. and the only way to go is down.

will i survive? the battle in me. my heart perplexed but not destroyed.. only time will tell. and the steps of faith that i have to take.

amen.

"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song Of Songs 8:7

well. i guess this is it. you and me were not meant to be.

well. it has been a good two months. but, its your call i guess. love you too much to let you go. i guess you did change after OBS but.. no point in crying over spilt milk.

memories. pleasant and sweet. but that's what they are. simply memories.

i wish you all the best in life. knowing i still love you. but, its always good to listen to advice. aint going to work out, aint going anywhere. thats what you said. and in a way, it is true. guess i should have seen the signs coming... you were too good for me in the first place.

do i regret making that decision on 12th August at 5.45pm?
no.

yet, i wonder if you do?


im sad. no doubt about it. but i respect your decision. it's your life. and if it makes u happy, well, there's no objections here.

so, in conclusion. i wish u all the best. a toast to the rest of your life. may God be your strength. and may goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life.

somewhere out there..

i look at the moon and the twinkling stars around
wondering if you're looking at it too
knowing that if i look hard enough
i just might see your face in the moon

this song reflects my mood right now
and probably every night
regardless of where you are
what you're doing
what you're thinking
and when you'll be dreaming.

your face fills my mind in the day
you take over my dreams at night
but i fighteth not
i enjoy it.

take care where you'll be
what you'll face tomorrow
what you'll see
know that i'm here
i know you know i'm here
thinking about you
are you thinking about me too?

my bdae.. and two months..

well, my birthday just went passed.
To the twenty-plus people that wished me happy birthday through sms - thanks!
To my colleagues who bought me gifts (mainly food) - thanks a lot!
And to my sis and my dear who bought me e soft toy: thanks a lot to both of you. the monkey's cuter (shss band ppl remind me to show u e next time) and its mouth is as big as mine, but i still prefer the giraffe cause of its special meaning and person. hehe. i ate three cakes in one day and even got smashed with cake!

Today! We celebrate our two months. Only when one values time does one realise the slow haste of time. It's been quite a journey going through life with you. Love does make one do silly things. and mean things too. I have no idea how long we'll last and dread to think ahead. If I could have a wish granted, i would grant that time stood still on 12th august at 5.45pm that we could savour that very special moment. An important question was asked and approval was granted. reciprocated love. thank you!

Went to celebrate my colleague's birthday with a bbq at Aloha Loyang today. Ironical that my colleague is just a day younger than me. Thank goodness I ain't that youngest in office. It can be a bit tiring calling everybody da jie and da ge and responding to xiao di.
On the way to the chalet straight after work, I saw something that I realized i understood why in the train. The lack of seats meant I (and my colleagues) had to stand. While vertical, I witnessed a couple on the train who sortof made out. the girl just planted a smack straight on his lips, ignorant of the surroundings. The guy had visible surprise on his face.
That point, I could guess what went through his mind. For i have been in his situation before. surprise on the outside but satisfaction and desire and love on the inside. I dont blame them of course. I can fathom what went through their minds but I guess they should have sat in a private "cabin". I'm referring to the pair of seats that are at the end of each carriage. The main difference between the old and the young generation is the PDA or Public Display of Affection. Some things never change.
At the chalet, we "deposited" our bags in another room and proceeded to makan. i was the first to leave though, (i was rather tired) and well, found the door locked. i and a female friend thinking that the door was locked went to search for the key. so it was raAther interesting that we went back with the key to find the door slightly ajar. i went inside and noticed a guy calmly laying out cards on the bed and a girl walking around. Of course i can't confirm what happened but it does leave little to the imagination? a guy a girl in a locked room.
on my way home, i reflected. and realise that guy could be anybody. and how easy it would be to cross the line and how hard to correct that marginal crossing. any guy, with a gf, would go through or have been in that situation. can't say for the female gender. the flaw of men. a test of one's self-control and the fight between love and lust. knowing that our lives are for us to lead. we make the choices. many a times we leave it to God but ultimately, we still make the choice, be it being guided supernaturally or by our own decisions.
what seems to be an insignificant choice now might explode and bloom to be a huge disaster of which the effects would be the onslaught of guilt, depressions, doubt, distrust and a low morale and self-esteem.
yes. no. there would come times where i don't know is not one of the answers. we can lay off thinking about it but only for awhile. for our heart will remind us of the deed, thought or word.
no man can tell you how to live your life. you want to get burdened by whats happenin g around you or you choose to be happy is up to you. no man can live and at his death, look back and curse his brother or sister saying why have you lived my life akin to that of a clogged stream.
the end signifys responsibility. for one's deeds, words and thoughts.
how responsible are you?

random.. rnaodm..modnar

quite some time since i blogged..

quite an interesting experience e last few days..
working.. e stress and stuff.. the air conditions and the lack of windows.. can be depressing at times.. thank God for music. well, i listen to several english songs and tamil music at work. basically cause it's the only music that can be found on my workplace's network drives. tamil music can be rather nice to listen to. groovy. :)

in a sense u decide somewhere in da back of ur mind wad's appropriate for the given situation tat kinda thing

it's coming to two months. fast yet slow. time always seems to be speeding by when one is enjoying oneself but crawling when it bores us.

because i'm your best sister in the whole wide world and because...

i've had a happy secondary school life. there were people i was close with and am close no more. mainly cause of the lack of time spent together and the age gap of a year.

i miss being with her. back when i was single and relationships had no sepcial meaning to me, back when relationships and friendships were the same to me.

it's good to have lots of friends. but too many close friends and backstabbing knocks on your door. too little close friends and loneliness beckons. the right balance one has to discover.

there comes a point in life, in the process of growing up
that one realizes the method that our parents used to bring us up is wrong
that she used the wrong teaching method
that he wasn't loving enough
and then one wonders.
is one qualified to criticise the people that borne us?
they formed us in an act of passion
they suffered for us
she physically for nine months
he financially for umpteen months

the power of your eyes..

do you know that babies are the smartest of all humans? they know where to look at to know a person. not the clothes or the bling bling but the eyes; be it blue, black, brown, double or single eye lid, small or big.
as we mature from infants to kids to teenagers to young adults to middle-aged adults to senior citizens, we nurture the skill of hiding our feelings and emotions with the numerous different sides that we create.
yet we fail to realize that no matter how solid and thick the wall we build around us is, our eyes can never be shielded. which is why, you can tell a persons mood and possible character through the eyes.
ya dont believe me? go take a stroll through the bus interchange or a crowded place and establish eye contact with people walking towards you. look at, in and through their eyes. and see their internal and inward side.

an ambulance might show your character

hMm.. i bet you have seen an ambulance speed past you right? well, i would like to put forward this hypothesis: which segment of the ambulance that first comes to your mind reflects upon your character

An ambulance speeds past. Do you think of

A) The driver
B) The nurse/medical orderly that are working on the patient
C) The patient

If You think of A) The Driver, you're probably someone that likes speed and danger. you might also crave for attention. You could be an attention-seeker but there would be times when the needs of other people serve as fuel for your acceleration. You would probably be at the head of every race or competition. you would have determination and perseverance but this might be short-lived. only you know.

If You think of B) The nurse/ medical orderly that's working on the patient, you like to help others. You would probably have the biggest contribution to society in your life. You have a huge heart and would help others no matter the cost. With all possibility, the happiness of others around you affects your happiness. You live for your friends. You might be an efficient, productive but quiet worker in the group. Without you, the group will die. Yet the spotlight rarely shines on you. You help others regardless of whether you have been through or you know what they are going through.

If You think of C) The Patient, you've suffered! And you don't want others to suffer like you do. You would use your life-changing experiences to help others along the same path or turn them from the path that you once trod. The experiences serves as your fuel. Yet, you would possibly not help those who suffer what you have not been through. However kind you are, you would not help others physically that much. you would probably be the type that calls a hotline to donate money instead of those that volunteers their time and services.


Note: This is just my reflective hypothesis. no scientific basis. high probability of inaccuracy.