Thursday, June 29, 2006

You.

Your body laid before me
Exposed, Open, inviting, enticing

My body shivers with anticipation
At the imaginable satisfaction

With as much as self-control as I can muster
I slowly reach forth, gently holding you

With great precision and respect for you,
I gently undress you, exposing your tender and warm flesh.
You offer no resistance.

I satisfy myself with you
licking your flesh
savouring every inch of it

Trailing my tongue over your outer layer,
I cannot help but moan with pleasure.

As you fill me.

Ah! The joy of a black pepper crab

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Boo.

Wow. Quite a long time since I blogged and I aint sure where to start.

Lemme see.. let's start with school. Holidays are coming. Last week was quite a struggle. The various assignments due and the emotional ups and downs, like for ym jap assignment it was to my horror that i found my transparency ink smudged and the pictures incorrigible. Thank God for the kind cher who allowed me to go and reprint. And I watched Hotel Rwanda for Sociology lesson. My gosh, it was so sad. But I like their soundtrack. Feel like downloading it. Illegally of course. BMR wasn't that bad. I've learnt quite a lot about gay psychology and do you know, there are actually three genders. We all think it's just Male and Female but there is a third gender that's called a neuter. If you think it's like being neutral, you're right! Neuters are born with neither male nor female reproductive organs. In fact, one of them actually mentioned in one of the books i read, he/she/it sees which toilet has the shorter queue and then uses that toilet regardless of the gender symbol on the toilet.

emotionally, quite a lot has been going on. I survive only by praying that God bless those who curse me and bless more those who bless me. And only with this prayer have my life gone on. Cause it seems like every step forward I take, I end up two steps back. But if i hesitate in stepping forward, knowing I am stepping back, I am already stepping back. I pray for God to make the path for me that a step forward becomes a leap.

Heh. I promised earlier on about blogging about my pri 5 crush and I'm gonna do so now. It's kinda weird that I can still remember significant events about my pri sch, erm, love life. I can remember my first crush happening in pri 1 and that crush happens to be in my cg now. But. fast forward to pri 5, after like, maybe 3 to 5 crushes, I meet her. heh. let's just call her julz for short. It was kindof an irony that time cause, there I was 'chasing' her, and Siang (a close friend since pri 4, also same pri eca) chasing qi min, a girl, from choir (same eca as julz), and finally there was marcus. Also same eca as me and he was also chasing another choir girl. It was like, three guys from AVA chasing three girls from Choir. Come to think of it, Qi Min was probably the first crush Siang had ever, in his school life.

Even now, small nuggets of memory surface. I remember, on one occasion, noting the similarities between me and Julz. I recall, then, we were having Moral Ed if im not wrong, (or was it called CME then, sheesh i cant remember) and we were closing in prayer. I was looking at her and it came to me that the way she prayed and the way i prayed was the same. Diff people have diff positions of praying, some kneel, some bow their heads, others dont, some clasp their hands, others dont, and some interconnect their fingers so that their palms actually kinda cover their eyes, which was my prayer posture that day which was her prayer posture that day too.

heh. I remember playing five stones with her and other 'family members'. If I remember correctly, we had a 'marriage ceremony' at the benches in between the monkey bars and the basketball court, where daily soccer matches were held during recess and before/after school.

I remember we exchanged letters occasionally. I can recall one incident. For me to pass a letter to her, I had to pass through the girl sitting beside me, Yvonne Lim, (from shps to shss to tp) and on one occasion the teacher caught the letter-passing act. Yvonne took up the blame. That incident's etched in my mind.

I remember I used to call her often at night just to chat. I can still remember her number. hehe. That is, if she hasnt shifted house or changed number. heh Bedok Reservoir Road.

Yet, 7 years down the road, I dare say I and Julz have several similar characteristics bah. We were both, sociable with the opposite gender. If i were to call her a flirt, I would be calling myself a flirt too cause that's the similar trait both of us have. We were sociable with the opposite gender. Up till this day, I reckon.

Those were the times. of marbles at the big tree near the basketball court. of five stones at the car porch. of hopscotch beside the staircase that led up to the hall. of mee soup that went for fifty cents or a dollar and huge doses of pepper were shaken into it and people dared to drink it up. of a piece of potato with curry that filled half a bowl and went for fifty cents. of ten cent biscuits that were of black and white colors. of students just cutting queue.

Those were the days.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Sick. Alive. Well. SAW.

I SAW. Sick Alive Well. Okay, so technically that aint purrfect english and my tutor huo zhe (or in chinese) my lecturer would lamblaste me. Yet, today has been hot. I've one and off slight fever and on and off headaches. Mild ones. It's like.. a headache would slowly creep out of nowhere and create this Black Hole thingy in my mind and suck up all the facts and figures and thought processes and then a fever of like perhaps 37.5 degrees celcius would emerge.

But thank God for Panadol Actifast!

I took about five pills at different intervals during the day and it gave me new life. Panadol Actifast. Grab your box before it all gets sold out!!

okay, new life is an exaggeration. It just gave me that temporary mental shield to block the Black Hole from sucking up more things and added water to the fire. fever. fire.

And this is the first time I've been sick like that. Most of my sickness are like serious kind that requires a day of rest or two or simple simple kind that can be cured with a pill or two. Never before has sickness been like a wooden splint under the skin. It kinda of is more an irritation than a cause for worry or concern.

These few days have been tiring. Job training on Wednesday and Thursday from 7-10pm. BMR research at night. I skipped sociology tutorial on Thursday. Was so friggin/freakin shagged. And just my luck/divine occurrence/fate/act of God, I meet my tutor when I go for my second lesson. Which actually led me to start thinking at infrequent times about my status with lecturers/tutors/teachers.

Cause to an extent, I feel kinda bad about missing her lesson. Furthermore, the look on her voice and tone of her voice depicted a tinge of disappointment. It could be that i'm just hyper sensitive yet in retrospect, I can't help but notice a particular emotional attachment to a few of my teachers. Not that I suck up to these teachers or not, but to an extent I treat them as friends.

It could be the fact that teachers are honest to an extent and have experiences that once shared, could be valuable to you in impartation of knowledge or nuggets of wisdom. It ain't easy being a teacher. Yeah, the first thing that comes to our minds would be the amount of work to be graded/marked or the endless race of deciphering scrawled words that simply look like Tamil. (Note: I'm not being racist)

There is a slight difference in Secondary School teachers and Polytechnic lecturers and/or tutors. In secondary school, the focus was more on education, getting grades, scoring well in exams, and more of teachers coming up with, dare I say, modern methodologies to grasp and maintain the attention of the students, like for example telling ghost stories or revealing certain aspects or experiences in one's life.

Polytechnic lecturers, on the other hand, are more open and receptive. You may think it's easy to be open and receptive but just take a minute to reflect deeply and you will realise it's not easy. Open up too much and it may be easy to be scarred. I remember journalism class where the tutor brought his daughter's keychain as a show-and-tell.

I guess you could say, to an extent, that polytechnic lecturers are more carefree and more determined on cohering instead of things like grades. They ask more about your personal lives, become your friends and in turn reveal parts of themselves to you too.

The emotional attachment between polytechnic lecturers/tutors and students definitely boasts of a higher level of stability than that between a secondary school teacher and his or her students. This is of course, taking into account that the student is not the withdrawn, silent type in class but rather slightly chatty or boisterous.

I feel bad about missing her class. And I'm starting to think perhaps I am not who I am. Have I broadcasted an image that is totally different from who I am? But who am I? Am I still living in the life of yesterdays where I still had Them. Is who I live who I live?

Monday, May 15, 2006

Peace.

11.50pm now, my back hurts. Today has been a whirlwind. From BMR in the morning to AudioPro in the afternoon to band at night. Being in school from 9am to 10pm at night is simply exhausting. Yet, this week will be tough for me. Having work training on wednesday and thursday consecutively from 7pm to 10pm.

At least there're unexpected things that keep me happy. Like having a new sister. Well, not blood sister.. but not exactly god-sister too. Time sister if it sounds right. hehe. or should it be date sister. lol. that wasnt meant to be read as dead sister.

One of da babes i'm hanging out with. She has da same birthday as me! Well, she's like two years older than me but she's nice. She has the looks, a little plastic-ky kind-of, and short hair (she's obsessed with hair) and she has the same birthday as me! Come on, how often do you meet somebody who has the same birthday as you?? Most of the time it's knowing somebody who knows somebody who has the same birthday as you and not you knowing (and befriending) the person that has the same birthday as you. Anyway, it's real cool having another sister. Too bad she's a smoker. And a drinker. Nope, she ain't a christian too. And that a real pain. Cause her life is smoking and drinking. But i dare say she has small eyes. Similar to mine. heh. Now if only she'll talk more than me so I wont feel ashamed at myself for talking so much crap.

And most prob on wed i might be meeting up with grace. Should be cool. long time since i met up with her; heard her vibrato laugh and all. hee. =) That's a compliment. of Course. =D

Oh well, it's been quite a good day. Managed to edit my AudioPro assignment from 2 mins 90 seconds.. wait a sec.. that's 3 mins 30 seconds. Edited it to 1 min 58 seconds. Which is barely below the 2 minute limit. Think I should be able to pass it. I'm confident but dont want to be too confident cause over-confidence sucks. projects are kind of looming. Two literature reviews, lots of reading to be done, MultiCam story proposal, time to get started, la la la. Year Two is seriously packed. But there is fun amidst the ups and downs.

I kindof miss chatting with Rania and Gracia. Yet we can only live life once and can't travel back in time except through our mind which is subject to the events around us.

Ok. Gotta stop here. Maybe my next post might be about my pri 5 crush. heh. the one who tagged my blog. Till next time, God bless!

Friday, May 12, 2006

So.

So. I'm blogging again and this post would definitely be full of nonsensy crap so if you dont have time to spare, dont read on. just scroll down to the next post. or leave, is ya wish.

I've been kind of geeky these few days, aside from thinking about her and of course enjoying the company of two gorgeous ladies. heh. ok, not ladies. Classifying them as ladies aint quite right. To me, ladies are females aged 21 and above. Ai yah! Babes la. Basically, these two babes from my course and since they're in most of my classes, there's loads of opportunities to meet. Add the fact that me and both of them are in the same project group for one subject and woah, somebody give me a knockout. heh. And hehee strangely they're knowing i'm full of crap. I mean all it took was a day or two. Powerful crap! =)

I have no idea why.. but.. this year.. or rather year two of temasek polytechnic, diploma in communications and media management, I'm starting to talk a lot. And i mean, really really really a lot. It's like when 100% more than last year. Of course, there're still people I can't simply understand like Pearlyn. <--- Cause she's just a damn unique girl---> And I thought I was complex. heh. We all heard of the inferiority complex, I wonder if there's such a thingy as a complex complex.

Anyway, I went for work training the other day. It was a, hmm lemme see Monday. yea. Monday. 8th may. Arrived there a little late, no thanks to the lemons, but thankfully they allowed me in. I made a few friends though. Two to be exact. And guys! Those who know me well, or rather, those who know me since primary or secondary school would know that the chances of me making friends with a male are practically none. I'm usually the kind that goes for the opposite gender. Usually.

They're two University students. NUS to be exact. One doing degree in chemical engineering and the other in law. And here's where it gets slightly interesting. You know those stuff about how guys suck at first conversations cause we all make idle talk whereas girls have it easier, they'll be talking a lot and somehow nseem not to run out of topics to talk about?

It's true. What we made was just aimless idle chatter. Which does make me wonder what do gays think about.

I was bored a few nights ago therefore I went to search gay Singaporean blogs. Now, I wanna state that I'm not for or against gays. I'm the sit-on-the-fence kindof guy. and I'm sure we all heard of the Colin and Kero site and probably fewer would have heard of Chris and Nicky but it was kindof a shock that Nicky's my friend. Well, I know him since Primary school but we weren't close. Sure, I knew he was gay. Okay, technically, I heard rumours during upper secondary that he was gay, but that time, me still young, gay or not he's still my friend. I didnt get the opportunity to confirm any of those rumours so it was a really huge shock to see his gay blog.

And ya know, one of da babe mentioned in the second para of dis post, she ware a les once. yea, i aint no joke no no, she was actually with a girl for one and a half years. Yup, you read that correctly a GGR. And it definitely aroused my interest cause I havent met any les so far in life. Gays, I've met or rather saw. When I was year 1, I saw this two guys hugging each other at the entrance to one of the canteens. one was hugging the other from the back.

Anyway, i've been thinking cause one of da babe mentioned in the second para, the straight one, she's still grieving over her ex, and it struck me. That everybody we meet in life, whether big or small, all play a role and exert some influence on us. So I started thinking about my ex, and I remember being influenced by her jargon, her laAs and other stuff. So, to end on a lighter note, if you think you're insignificant in life, nobody cares about you, if you think you play no purpose in anybody else's life, think again. Cause somewhere, somehow, someone has been influenced by you and is thinking about you. Be resilent!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

These Few Days

Well, quite some time since I've blogged.

Today, citrus lemony smells filled the air. Well, technically, it was like half of today and not all of today. And, technically, it was just the air in front and behind and around me. Honestly, if anybody wanted to find me today, all they had to do was follow the trail. Using their nose of course. Hee. Okay, not much of a hee cause the two chicks i was with were pissed with lemons. Me, i mean. Lemons, me, it's the same. For today, that is.

Anyway, I've decided I'm gonna be more transparent in my posts, to use names when appropriate. heh. of course, some sensitive stuff can't put names la.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

A new blogskin!

Well. A new blogskin. Well, it aint that nice.. but gimme some credit la. it's my first blogskin. most probably, it'll get better and better as I get more experience. I created this blogskin using css. It was pretty tough.. considering I didn't have any prior knowledge of HTMl and/or CSS! Nevertheless, it can be kind of fun and tedious. Most likely, I'll create a new blogskin every year. hee.

okie. new blogskin. new life. gonna 'experiment' with the colors. And i aint good in color combination so ya have to forgive me for any weeeeeird colors u might see. Anyway, thats all from me. For now.

till next time, take care and God bless!