well, these few days have been full of thoughts and activities

well, quite some time since i posted.

lemme see.. quite a lot have happened.. the holidays have come and will be gone soon. quite a lot on my mind though.

hMm.. first.. band. tp band and shaw/shwo band. both bands will probably be taking up more of my time when sch starts. mon fri tp. sat shaw. and i wanna go back see shwo which wld most prob on wed. therefore meaning mon wed fri sat band. :D talk about making music ur life.

and then when sch starts, the assignments and projects come along too. hope my grp will be understanding enough though but sometimes i feel perhaps your project group shouldnt be a clique cause thogugh you can get along well with each other, it is also very easy to be distracted and digress.

went out with the butts and a few others. watched narnia for the SECOND time. and i really really think the slaying of aslan part is conducted in 4/4. anyway, yah lor. watch e whole thing again and it kindof gets a bit boring. furthermore we were seating in row C and i seriously think cinemas should start increasing the length within each row. no space to stretch my legs. and BT sat beside me laughing and talking and asking nonsensical questions like whether the potion that edmund drank was sweet or bitter. Kids these days.. [sigh]

my sis is rather weird though. but at least im spending good time with her. spent it with her ytd. lol. glanced through her diary. and the perfume does smell like alcohol. anyway clarinets are sortof improving. despite the absence of their SL ytd. but. there is a gap showing itself between the sec twos and the sec ones. those tt can play and those tt cannot play. hope it dissolves.

shwo gg japan, osaka to be exact in june. hopefully shaw can go. and on that point im quite confident we can. though there is the cost factor involved. and the job idea im having can only take place in march after e release of the Os cause i must wait for one of my friends. i mean, thinking about it now, its practical but i still need permission and approval from several other parties. i need a high paying job.

anyway, if all goes well with the butts in their aspirations, looks like i'll be having a doctor, a nurse and a nafa graduate in ten years or so. imagine if it takes two years for each narnia chronicle film to be made. seven stories. 14 years. woahz! i'll be 31 then. it'll be even cooler if when im 31 and the butts are.. 29 and we are still in contact and we watch narnia together. hehe. dots manz. lotz of it.

daydreaming.

had lunch with a few shwo juniors on erm wed. no thurs. yah. 29th. last shwo pract of e yr. kimberly desiree alex bendix jeck ann darren and another sec one-er. forgot his name. kindof weird talking to kimberly in real life. despite knowing her for like.. a year plus? probably the face. as in, u cant get bedazzled or stunned when speaking thru sms or msn. she definitely has the looks.

heard a song e other day and i thought about u. but bygones should be bygones. all water under the bridge. though my sec four classmates can be particularly nosey.
had my class 4C of 2004 bbq on the 27th. attendance wasn't that bad. around half the class went which is rather good though. philip lee and ng song seng went. they came like way early when the fire was being started. and we played dai dee with ng. hee. stoopid doofus. used maths to play against us. one thing's for sure, ng definitely has an analytical mind and good memory. tan yen lin came rather late though, like around nine. after half of the food were eaten, after the rain. oh yes. the rain. it came. down. it wasn't that heavy. a kind soul actually passed us his two groundsheets so we held the sheets at an angle to prevent the rain from extinguishing the fire and sogging the food. so there we stood. the groundsheet on our back. the bbq in front of us. we breathed smoke. quite an experience. a much heated face and a very wet back. and then, hehe, we went to play in the maze. lol. seven guys, all aged seventeen, playing in the maze. it was fun. of course it was at night so nobody around to laugh at us or anything. we plat hide and seek inside. and it is actually very fun, especially at night. and the lights aren't on switched on so the only light u have is the sunlight that reflects upon the surface of the moon which can actually be simplified to mean moonlight.


so there. a few days of wonderful memories and intriguing experiences.

Merry Christmas!

First of all, Merry Christmas!

Soon, 2005 will be over. But first. To matters at hand. Christmas!

I am grateful to those who gave me a christmas present/card. I thank thee for your well-wishes. Alas! It is with great strength to inform you that unless you've received a card from me, you won't be receiving anything from me. Fear not! It doesnt mean I've forgotten you, it simply means that [hesitates] you're kept in my prayers.

Therefore, to all those who patronise this monkey's blog, I wish you a joyous Merry Christmas!

May we not forget the true meaning of Christ! It is rather sad that most Christmas cards nowadays do not include the true meaning of Christ. All that is written there is just 'Season's Greetings!' Whatever happened to the word 'Christ'?

Do YOU know who Christ is?

[Jesus] Christ is the Son of God that was sent down to die for our sins [wrongdoings].

How civilisation views christianity now and a century ago has changed. Nowadays, there ain't no such thing as a boring service. Christian music has evolved to a trendier and hip-pier kind. Bibles? So many versions available. From hard copy to soft copy to electronic to handphone to pocket-sized.

If you ever thought Christianity was boring, fact-less and simply propaganda, take a step into the nearest church. You might have to change your opinion about christianity again.

We aren't just a religion. Christianity is but a relationship between us and God. Wouldn't you want to meet the One that created YOU?

You've had WOW. Now meet MOM!

Welcome! to yet another post of.. (drum roll) WA! (cymbal crash) WA! (cymbal crash again) also known as.. (cue: timpani) Wacky Acronyms! (gong clash) By.... Yours truly.. (snare roll).. Randy! (crash cymbals)


Today's Acronym: MOM!

Are YOU a mom?

MOM: verb or adjective or adverb or noun.
Mind Over Matter.
A characteristic of some people who can control their mind better than matter.

How to know if you are a MOM??
Option 1: Eat a plate of Char Siew Rice while watching liver being blended in CSI. If you do not puke or turn away from the television set, YOU are certified.. MOM! (hi, mom)

Option 2: Devour a bowl of curry while watching decomposed body remains on CSI that strangely look similar to the bowl of whats-it-called that you are holding. If you can continue eating at a steady pace, YOU are.. MOM! (yo, mom)



Are you MOM??


(cue: closing credits) And that's all for... (drum roll)WA! (cymbal crash) WA! Wacky Acronyms by.. (snare roll) yours truly (gong!) Randy!!
See you again.. next time.. for.. (drum roll) WA! (cymbal crash) WA! Wacky Acronyms by.. (snare roll) yours truly (gong!) Randy!

welcome..

Welcome.. (snare roll) to the premiere post of.. (cymbals crash) WOW.. also known as.. Words of Wisdom.. by.. (cue:gong) Randy.. Yours truly!!!
(cue: Opening credits)



Today's Words of Wisdom:

"Rest. One can never have too much of it, and too little. Rest."



(cue: Closing credits)


And that's all today for (drum roll) (crash cymbals) Words of Wisdom.. by.. (cue: gong) Randy.. Yours truly!!!

well. shwo slpover.

well. with immediate effect, shwo comes into action. no more shss band now it's shwo. St Hilda's Wind Orchestra.
Which is rather cool.
Then again so is Shaw. Not your SHAW towers. It stands for St Hilda's Alumni Winds. of course the slightly annoying thing is the ' St Hilda's' but then again without it, we wouldnt have an identity would we? not that we're all saints and our concert uniform all has a halo enclosed.
pardon my lameness. must be the lack of slp that i have.
i enjoyed yesterday a lot. well, yesterday and today. the slpover was cool. think I garnered.. an hour of slp?? i rmb (forcing) waking up occasionally when the door opened or closed or when the numerous alarms started ringing. only to be switched off and ring five minutes later again. i never realised why some people could wake up late despite switching on their alarm clocks till now. Honestly, some people need to realise that alarm clocks should be placed at the other side of the room. :)
and it was fun, spending time with my sis. now that i've graduated, not much opportunities to do that liao.. so it was good. strengthen 'family' bonds. :D
next chance wld B in march lor. and that wld B more interesting i feel. higher risk of getting bullied.
and no. im not with her. just siblings. may ye mind wander not.
and the discussion session. quite nice. make me feel.. so aged when compared to them little ones. since i've been thru what they been thru, conflicts and all.
i think it was quite fair. missing photog lecture and not doing the hundred marks quiz.. tt's ten percent of my total grade. as compared to what i've learnt/experienced/seen/heard/felt during the slpover.
and it was fun. i used digital prosumer camera today. loaned frm sch de. it wasn't that bad. could see thru the lcd screen that it was totally underexposed when i switched to manual or shutter-speed priority mood so i was stuck with aperture-priority mood which aint that bad. didnt use program mode cause there's no point learning about photography in school and using program mode to take photos.
the games were fun. though it was interesting to see the effects of lack of slp on the sec threes. one day and most cannot survive. makes me wonder about band camp in march. four nights. i must bring camera sia. lol. :D
k la. enough of all this. wanna go edit e photos. put some humourous captions on them. :D
take care

well if you want the miss saigon soundtrack

well, mjc came in second.
anyway, if you want the miss saigon soundtrack, here're the links to download it:

(warning: there are quite a lot of songs, and the files will be there for only 30 days)

Unfortunately they're all in mp4 format. But they should be able to be listened to using itunes. However, should you want a file converter for mp4 to mp3, lemme know.

Disc 1

Track 1 (Overture)

Track 2 (The Heat Is On In Saigon)

Track 3 (The Movie In My Mind)

Track 4 (The Dance)

Track 5 (Why God, Why)

Track 6 (This Money's Yours)

Track 7 (Sun And Moon)

Track 8 (The Telephone Song)

Track 9 (The Deal)

Track 10 (The Ceremony)

Track 11 (What's This I Find)

Track 12 (The Last Night Of The World)

Track 13 (The Morning Of The Dragon)

Track 14 (I Still Believe)

Track 15 (This Is The Hour)

Disc 2

Track 1 (If You Want To Die In Bed)

Track 2 (Let Me See His Western Nose)

Track 3 (I'll Give My Life For You)

Track 4 (Bui Doi)

Track 5 (The Revelation)

Track 6 (What A Waste)

Track 7 (Please)

Track 8 (The Fall Of Saigon)

Track 9 (Room 317)

Track 10 (Now That I've Seen Her)

Track 11 (The Confrontation)

Track 12 (The American Dream)

Track 13 (The Sacred Bird)

Track 14 (The Finale)

well. interesting day.

MJC'll be playing Noah's Ark in a competition in M'sia.. so I thought I'll put it as my blog song to support them. they'll be the only JC band from Singapore other than the other primary and secondary school bands. Hope they win. It aint an easy piece.

Noah's Ark by Bert Appermont.

Went for philwinds concert today. It was totally cool.. though the trombone mispitched a little when he played Can't Take My Eyes Off You. But he managed to hit it off the next few bars when he repeated that phrase, so kudos to him!

Any of you need the Miss Saigon soundtrack, lemme know. I have.

Going out with my peeps from SHSS Band, I can't help but be reminded about why I joined band and my passion for band.

I remember walking around during CCA orientation in sec one and falling in love with the drumset. When I saw the drumset, I knew I wanted to be in band, simply to learn how ta play the drumset. But God had other plans for me. My cohort being a huge number, it was of little surprise that many people joined band and there were actually seven people who wanted to join percussion, me inclusive. Alas! the others had musical background so Mr Sim chose them and rejected me. I was instrument-less till he assigned me to the tuba section.

While most people would appeal not to play the tuba since it was like, the biggest and supposedly the heaviest brass instrument, I was content enough to be in band. Besides, tubas are rather near to the percussion section. From that day, I became a tubist.

It wasn't easy. My sec four seniors took tlc of us (me and hannah). when they graduated, we were sortof thrown aside by the rest of our seniors. one played soccer before and after band pract while the other was always with the double-bassist. hannah wasn't that faithful in coming cause she was in council. So usually it was just me and no-communication with my seniors.

time flew by and one by one they graduated. I do miss a few of them, not all la . Then before I knew it, after much havoc and events happening, I became the tuba SL. it wasn't easy. Compare me with the ex-SL and the current SL and I'll be the one that is the least musically-talented. Yet the end result of a well-bonded tribe compensated my lack of musical knowledge. For this, I have to thank my section who were sporting and loving. They were rather patient with me. Above all, my section was covered with prayers. There were times when I really feared for their unity and playing and resorted to praying to calm my fears. Thank God!

Now, having already graduated from SHSS band, I do still worry about them. About their survival. And I fear that cliques would lead to their downfall.

Individually each member is wonderful. Yet, when put as a whole, the flaws can be clearly seen. The numerous cliques are good in ensuring that every person has an identity yet this would be a problem when the band leaders are chosen. Jealousy and friction between cliques might be thrust into the limelight.

Meetings between leaders are actually speech times where everybody listens to one person talk. The band leaders are concerned about the band but i believe they need to do some thing and not plan stuff. sometimes, being impromptu is the best. Fuelled by a fiery passion, the things u do and the things u say are most true.

Indeed it can be rather stressful for a band leader since most band graduands worry about the band too. Yet, what the band leaders seem to forget is the music formeth the band and wouldnt music bondeth the band too?

I think most of the section leaders know not the full extent of their authority and i dotn want them to be like me, only realising the full authority that leaders are bestowed upon when it reach the graduation period.

Doesnt matter if you dont have the necessary musical background. Your family can learn as you learn. What matters is you have to be bold. to try out new things. to accept failures. to acknowledge faults and seek to rectify them. to believe in yourself cause when graduation day comes, your juniors will go up and thank you from the heart, mind and soul. Above all, know that your seniors believe in you and doesnt matter how many times u fall, seek God's guidance and help and He'll see you through.

One Band, One Sound!
Just some thoughts. band means a lot to me..

well. today was nice. Band makes me feel so honoured..

well. another song. another mood. if u dont know what song i meant in my earlier post, forget it la

Had arts app then photgraphy lecture today. then went back to sec sch band. they had sectionals.. and.. i saw the clarinets.. and went to help them a little bit. well, my section was safe in nelson's hands. and i did help e trumpets a little.. not that it did any good.. but.. i do believe clarinets need more help than trumpets. anyway, clarinets really made my day manz. they helped me realize that there stil exists juniors that respect their seniors. which is good though. gives me hope that the band still has a chance of survival after the current batch of leaders leave.

HW wasnt there and a few other sec ones too. total of about 9 clarinetists if im not wrong. can ya believe only 18 out of 40 sec ones turned up today. outrageous! anyway, i helped B.C. a little.. i guess.. this batch of leaders still have quite a bit to learn about technicality and some musical stuff.. like emphasis on cresendos and all.. anyway.. it was fun la. helping e clarinet section.. they had eight girls. but that's besides the point. BC's quite chio.. but i'm digressing. Well, lemme see.. there was this incident that made my day. it was when i was talking to the section advising them what they should or should not do.. and.. cause a stand was blocking me frm one of the girls.. joeline i think.. i ait sure manz.. maybe next time i'll go one round.. they say their names first.. anyway.. i think she has an older sis in sec four this yr. but.. nvm about that.. er.. she turned the stand such that she could see me. and this pleased me. i mean, this batch of sec ones that i dont hear greeting their seniors or mingling much with their seniors and she turning the stand to 'see me better' so as to speak.. which is why. im falling in like with the clarinet section.. lol.. they're quite interesting.. sec threes.. sec twos.. sec ones.. sometimes i pity poor bendix.. he aint short.. and his E flat clarinet aint long.. if ya get my drift.. its like a tall guy wearing a very very very short tie.. anyway, i hope there's sectionals next wed when i go back band.. it'll be fun.. helping sections.. i mean. i know tuba section can de. percussion has shawn so not so bad. i think flutes are quite alright i trust my little sis.. yups.. the clarinets.. and probably saxophones.. but.. i dont really like the sec two sax players.. a bit.. dao-ish.. a bit. thats how i feel la. lol. anyway.. hee all to the best to the clarinet section.. and to shss band.. i hope the sec ones slowly drift back to band.. if all come back at one short, the band sound will crumble again.
one band, one sound. =D

why does thou make me miss thee that much

thought that i had forgotten you.. yet e sudden arousal of this feeling has caught me off guard.. i was climbing back onto the plank and now thee has pushed me off.. not that thee is to blame for thou has done nothing.. but my own actions deed thoughts and works.. what thou has left for me are but sweet memories.. and it is now that these memories arise as one.. to bring me down.. yet nay shall i fall.. not a tear will i drop.. for thou aren't worthy of me.. ye are too good for me.. and there's nay a thing i can do about it..
know n realise that when this song is played.. i think of thee. for what good it has. on you n on me.
God bless thee..

what A day. What a day. what a Day.

What a day. what A day. What a Day.

On the 26th November 2005, St Hilda's Alumni Winds (SHAW) held their maiden practice

A total of 39 people, of ages 16 to 24 turned up, surpassing the estimated number of 30. Dressed in an array of colours and wearable pieces, the practice proved to be quite a success.

The Alumni Winds Ex-Co (AWE) told 'reporters' that 48 people were 'supposed to turn up'. Despite the shortfall of attendees, the AWE were satisfied and pleased with the outcome and label the first virgin practice of SHAw a success.

AWE arrived at half past eight in the canteen to find eager committee members waiting for them. After the briefings were over, the issuing of instruments was next.

This took up quite a lot of time as newly-elected Quarter Masters (Q.M.) were not familiar with the layouts of the instruments. As more SHAW members trickled in, the QMs rushed to meet the demand for instruments.

After settling down and a round of introduction of one's name and year of graduation, the practice officially started.

Guest Conducted by Mr Andy Shrimp, the music proved to be a hit. Signs of rustyness that appeared as SHAW side-read the pieces Song of Lir, Jungle Fantasy and Cossack Dances did not dampen Mr Shrimp's spirits.

Resident Conductor Mr Samuel Yau had no option left but to help in the percussion section for 'Jungle Fantasy'. Sadly, his enthusiastic banging on the percussion instrument completely changed the whole piece to 'Chinese Fantasy'.

At 12.50pm, the band practice officially ended.

The clock struck one and the key in the lock turned. Till next saturday, my dear band room.

Yours musically,
SHAW AWE
Randy

this flu is going off soon. my nose remains half-blocked. yet, due to some auto-detect function in my body, my lungs automatically draw air from my mouth instead my lungs. it feels so strange to be breathing in through one's mouth instead of the nostrils. hMm anybody knows the word for people who have lost their ability of smell?

come to think of it. we take our sense of smell for granted dont we? i mean we know blind is for people who cant see and deaf for those who cant hear dumb for those who cant speak and what about those who cant smell? we've neglected them! anyway, if you know the word, do share with me. thankieyoukie.

today aint that bad. went back to band to settle some alumni stuff and.. after that went A1 with.. curry flab yun lao zha bor shawn jaslin nelson carven. after that went to central with jaslin and nelson. there we were, tuba SLs from 3 consecutive years having a chat together. in retrospect, it was truly remarkable.

aint love strange. the person that you try to forget, you fall for her again. and you have a friend you can see what people would love her for and if there's the 'feeling' you just might fall for her

what a day. sometimes i think my parents have hearing difficulties..

what a day. im sick. flu. donno who passed it to me though.. but.. oh well. guess monkey flu's a first time. :D

Sometimes i think my parents need new ears. See, the flu came to me ytd. in the morning. i survived thru church and then thru no-honey's house. no-honey's my sec three eng cher. then finally made it home safe and sound.
met my parents at home. told them i had flu. went to rest. an hour later, i feel this hand on my forehead (it aint emily rose, dont worry.. did i mention i watch emily rose a few days ago? no? i didn't? ookie.. now you know) i peeked out.. and see my dad in front of me. he notices my slits-like eyes openings and asks rather loudly 'Boy. Got fever ah?'

I went like 'no la.. flu' and then turn over to get his warm hand off my forehead. next thing i know i hear my mum coming in and she goes 'Boy, go take panadol'. Here is where it gets a trifle confusing. too chim for my mind to understand so I replied 'flu take panadol one meh?' And to my astonishment/horror/frustration/oh-no-ness my mum says 'flu? i thought u got fever?'

{speechless}

i did nothing else except do a ke-blakang and go back to sleep. with no parents to mis-hear my sickness and to disturb me.

weird.. but what choice do i have

the mental confusion when you chat with me.. makes me wonder.. makes me think

today was fun. intriguing and slightly thought-provoking. i went back to visit shss band.. then went a1 then waited for Shawn to come before making our 'delivery'. twenty sausages. cool. lol.

and there we were.. me.. shi yi.. kwan.. steffi.. jaslin.. carven.. louis.. song ren.. grace.. carissa.. pei yun.. sini.. shawn.. annie.. 13 of us. on a table with six chairs. 5 different generations. enjoying a humourous meal together. and i started thinking. would there be any chance in the future of having six or perhaps 7? generations sitting and having a meal together. Only time will tell i guess.

Alumni band is finally kicking off. slightly more than a week and we'll have our first pract. success? or total failure? only time will tell...

life.. its wonderful mysteries..

I experienced a few thought-provoking incidents recently. watching a man talk loudly to himself while walking through the interchange and getting knocked real hard by a jogger.

While waiting for a bus with my friend a couple of days ago, we saw this man in his late twenties waking through Tampines Interchange talking to himself. His speech was full of crescendos and decrescendos. He wore a pair of earphones, perhaps to momentarily confuse people that he was using a hands-free set. This being the second time i've seen him, I silently observed the reactions of the people around him. A few were amused by his behaviour while other unfortunate persons were momentarily frightened by his loudness.

A day later, I went walking with my friend to Safra. It was while crossing the road that I got knocked sideways by a jogger seemingly oblivious to us. He actually jogged in a small circle before us before jogging to my right and then 'pushed' his way through, knocking my shoulder. I have no idea if it was intentional since he had a pair of earphones on but surely he could see me and move away a bit.

One might call him rude, ungracious, uncivilised, ill-mannered. I'll call him a man lost in his own world.

It dawned on me as I reflected on these two incidents. These two people were living in a world of their own. The man (75% possibility that he's mentally-ill) talked out loud to himself (or to an imaginery friend) without acknowledging the people's mixed reactions around him at all. He looked forward and continued talking. nothing bothered him. So was the other man. Both were lost in their own world, deep in concentration and having a purpose in mind.

In their world of selfish-ness, it was perfect. To them. No one else mattered. No-thing else mattered. Their world was but them.

In the lives of many people, rushing to meet deadlines and trying to find the balance between work, school and our social life zaps away our strength. More often that not it is the process of acquiring the balance that uses up most of the time than the balance itself.

Have the world degraded to such a point that only in the worlds that revolve around us will the balance be found? can you envision a world without pollution? I cannot.

But can the world that i live in be without pollution? Yes i can. Cause its mind over matter. Dont wish for a perfect world or a perfect life. Dont think your life sucks. Cause you create your own life. selfish or self-less. perfect or perfectly imperfect. forcefully imbalanced or fearfully balanced.

the choice is yours.

first day of sch..

Oh Lord, i feel so helpless. help me Father

Today aint that bad.. met up with my classmates and all.. first lecture of the new sem.. the lecturer.. well she was jolly. yupz. that's the word to describe her. jolly.

think its time for me to have a low profile.. im weird la. friendly. but anti-social. sometimes. most times. all the time. sigh.

take care.

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

Thank thee for keeping my safe day and night.
For thy angels that watch over me
For thy presence that washes over me.

But now i have a dire need.
With a humble heart you i seek.

You know my present and my past
and that which did not last
You know my hopes my dreams
and the girl that called me mean.

You know my situation
You see my devastation

All i ask is your fire
and may thee forgive me for wronging thy child
Every word that i mutter
offends her
Every thing i do
is useless.

Help me climb out of this well i'm in
The soil and clay that tucks me in
Try to rise but then i fall
Ask for less but i want more

People say time heals all wounds
You're the Father of all, Father of time
I know you'll heal me too.

Help me Lord
Help me through
I can't seem to do enough for you.

In Christ's name i pray,
Amen.

life.. goes on n on n on..

i'm alright la. thanks flab and short. and fern. and sis of course.

i lead many lives. though they may collide with one another at various times, they still end up detached. the life i lived with jc.. is different frm e life i lead at home.. and different frm e life i have with my friends. some lives are hidden others are transparent. perhaps thats why i have many friends but few close to my heart. and in a way. what You said is true. what i portay on the outside and what i feel are not e same.

well. i've lost a lover and a friend. and gained a new sister. sigh. i aint sure if it's good or not. but it sure equals out. lost two assets and gained an asset of e same value.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away Job 1:21

Shalln't complain. memories are memories.

a good thing though. is that. for e first time since i've known gab (one of my bro).. he called me 'ran'. lol. for those of u who dont know him.. he's a guy of mystique and rarely calls me by my name.. so.. it was a first.

k. thats all for now. cya ard.

the aftershocks

the aftershocks over last night has finally arrived. my heart rebels against me. not believing. that in a night, just one night, my life has turned upside down.

i was perfectly fine walking on a plank between two cliffs.. till the surging waves came. pushing me off-balance, making me fall.. and holding on to the plank with one hand.. the plank that is my life..

i desperately cling on.. with my heart half gone.. knowing.. i have others to think about.. i have made the decision.. and i have to live with it. with no warning, a wave breaks my plank in half.. and the only way to go is down.

will i survive? the battle in me. my heart perplexed but not destroyed.. only time will tell. and the steps of faith that i have to take.

amen.

"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song Of Songs 8:7

well. i guess this is it. you and me were not meant to be.

well. it has been a good two months. but, its your call i guess. love you too much to let you go. i guess you did change after OBS but.. no point in crying over spilt milk.

memories. pleasant and sweet. but that's what they are. simply memories.

i wish you all the best in life. knowing i still love you. but, its always good to listen to advice. aint going to work out, aint going anywhere. thats what you said. and in a way, it is true. guess i should have seen the signs coming... you were too good for me in the first place.

do i regret making that decision on 12th August at 5.45pm?
no.

yet, i wonder if you do?


im sad. no doubt about it. but i respect your decision. it's your life. and if it makes u happy, well, there's no objections here.

so, in conclusion. i wish u all the best. a toast to the rest of your life. may God be your strength. and may goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life.

somewhere out there..

i look at the moon and the twinkling stars around
wondering if you're looking at it too
knowing that if i look hard enough
i just might see your face in the moon

this song reflects my mood right now
and probably every night
regardless of where you are
what you're doing
what you're thinking
and when you'll be dreaming.

your face fills my mind in the day
you take over my dreams at night
but i fighteth not
i enjoy it.

take care where you'll be
what you'll face tomorrow
what you'll see
know that i'm here
i know you know i'm here
thinking about you
are you thinking about me too?

my bdae.. and two months..

well, my birthday just went passed.
To the twenty-plus people that wished me happy birthday through sms - thanks!
To my colleagues who bought me gifts (mainly food) - thanks a lot!
And to my sis and my dear who bought me e soft toy: thanks a lot to both of you. the monkey's cuter (shss band ppl remind me to show u e next time) and its mouth is as big as mine, but i still prefer the giraffe cause of its special meaning and person. hehe. i ate three cakes in one day and even got smashed with cake!

Today! We celebrate our two months. Only when one values time does one realise the slow haste of time. It's been quite a journey going through life with you. Love does make one do silly things. and mean things too. I have no idea how long we'll last and dread to think ahead. If I could have a wish granted, i would grant that time stood still on 12th august at 5.45pm that we could savour that very special moment. An important question was asked and approval was granted. reciprocated love. thank you!

Went to celebrate my colleague's birthday with a bbq at Aloha Loyang today. Ironical that my colleague is just a day younger than me. Thank goodness I ain't that youngest in office. It can be a bit tiring calling everybody da jie and da ge and responding to xiao di.
On the way to the chalet straight after work, I saw something that I realized i understood why in the train. The lack of seats meant I (and my colleagues) had to stand. While vertical, I witnessed a couple on the train who sortof made out. the girl just planted a smack straight on his lips, ignorant of the surroundings. The guy had visible surprise on his face.
That point, I could guess what went through his mind. For i have been in his situation before. surprise on the outside but satisfaction and desire and love on the inside. I dont blame them of course. I can fathom what went through their minds but I guess they should have sat in a private "cabin". I'm referring to the pair of seats that are at the end of each carriage. The main difference between the old and the young generation is the PDA or Public Display of Affection. Some things never change.
At the chalet, we "deposited" our bags in another room and proceeded to makan. i was the first to leave though, (i was rather tired) and well, found the door locked. i and a female friend thinking that the door was locked went to search for the key. so it was raAther interesting that we went back with the key to find the door slightly ajar. i went inside and noticed a guy calmly laying out cards on the bed and a girl walking around. Of course i can't confirm what happened but it does leave little to the imagination? a guy a girl in a locked room.
on my way home, i reflected. and realise that guy could be anybody. and how easy it would be to cross the line and how hard to correct that marginal crossing. any guy, with a gf, would go through or have been in that situation. can't say for the female gender. the flaw of men. a test of one's self-control and the fight between love and lust. knowing that our lives are for us to lead. we make the choices. many a times we leave it to God but ultimately, we still make the choice, be it being guided supernaturally or by our own decisions.
what seems to be an insignificant choice now might explode and bloom to be a huge disaster of which the effects would be the onslaught of guilt, depressions, doubt, distrust and a low morale and self-esteem.
yes. no. there would come times where i don't know is not one of the answers. we can lay off thinking about it but only for awhile. for our heart will remind us of the deed, thought or word.
no man can tell you how to live your life. you want to get burdened by whats happenin g around you or you choose to be happy is up to you. no man can live and at his death, look back and curse his brother or sister saying why have you lived my life akin to that of a clogged stream.
the end signifys responsibility. for one's deeds, words and thoughts.
how responsible are you?

random.. rnaodm..modnar

quite some time since i blogged..

quite an interesting experience e last few days..
working.. e stress and stuff.. the air conditions and the lack of windows.. can be depressing at times.. thank God for music. well, i listen to several english songs and tamil music at work. basically cause it's the only music that can be found on my workplace's network drives. tamil music can be rather nice to listen to. groovy. :)

in a sense u decide somewhere in da back of ur mind wad's appropriate for the given situation tat kinda thing

it's coming to two months. fast yet slow. time always seems to be speeding by when one is enjoying oneself but crawling when it bores us.

because i'm your best sister in the whole wide world and because...

i've had a happy secondary school life. there were people i was close with and am close no more. mainly cause of the lack of time spent together and the age gap of a year.

i miss being with her. back when i was single and relationships had no sepcial meaning to me, back when relationships and friendships were the same to me.

it's good to have lots of friends. but too many close friends and backstabbing knocks on your door. too little close friends and loneliness beckons. the right balance one has to discover.

there comes a point in life, in the process of growing up
that one realizes the method that our parents used to bring us up is wrong
that she used the wrong teaching method
that he wasn't loving enough
and then one wonders.
is one qualified to criticise the people that borne us?
they formed us in an act of passion
they suffered for us
she physically for nine months
he financially for umpteen months

the power of your eyes..

do you know that babies are the smartest of all humans? they know where to look at to know a person. not the clothes or the bling bling but the eyes; be it blue, black, brown, double or single eye lid, small or big.
as we mature from infants to kids to teenagers to young adults to middle-aged adults to senior citizens, we nurture the skill of hiding our feelings and emotions with the numerous different sides that we create.
yet we fail to realize that no matter how solid and thick the wall we build around us is, our eyes can never be shielded. which is why, you can tell a persons mood and possible character through the eyes.
ya dont believe me? go take a stroll through the bus interchange or a crowded place and establish eye contact with people walking towards you. look at, in and through their eyes. and see their internal and inward side.

an ambulance might show your character

hMm.. i bet you have seen an ambulance speed past you right? well, i would like to put forward this hypothesis: which segment of the ambulance that first comes to your mind reflects upon your character

An ambulance speeds past. Do you think of

A) The driver
B) The nurse/medical orderly that are working on the patient
C) The patient

If You think of A) The Driver, you're probably someone that likes speed and danger. you might also crave for attention. You could be an attention-seeker but there would be times when the needs of other people serve as fuel for your acceleration. You would probably be at the head of every race or competition. you would have determination and perseverance but this might be short-lived. only you know.

If You think of B) The nurse/ medical orderly that's working on the patient, you like to help others. You would probably have the biggest contribution to society in your life. You have a huge heart and would help others no matter the cost. With all possibility, the happiness of others around you affects your happiness. You live for your friends. You might be an efficient, productive but quiet worker in the group. Without you, the group will die. Yet the spotlight rarely shines on you. You help others regardless of whether you have been through or you know what they are going through.

If You think of C) The Patient, you've suffered! And you don't want others to suffer like you do. You would use your life-changing experiences to help others along the same path or turn them from the path that you once trod. The experiences serves as your fuel. Yet, you would possibly not help those who suffer what you have not been through. However kind you are, you would not help others physically that much. you would probably be the type that calls a hotline to donate money instead of those that volunteers their time and services.


Note: This is just my reflective hypothesis. no scientific basis. high probability of inaccuracy.

reflections of a worker in the mrt train on my way to work

standing beside the door while i lean against the glass with my butt pressing on it, un-deterring the person behind me from leaning his face on it. the glass. not my butt.
Seeing people of various shapes and sizes, each lost in his or her own world.
staring out the window as if looking at each other is an offence. surely, a smile to a stranger ain't that hard to do?
Silence prevails around me, as I minimise my world to the grooving samba music pouring into my ears from my headphones.
i rock to my own rhythm. trying unsuccessfully to be inconspicious among the other passengers rocking with the rhythm of the train.
and this is what i observe about people. regardless of age, gender, race or religion.
they look straight. never down or up. but straight ahead. their eyes slwoly recoil in their sockets as their mind travels elsewhere. their body attaches itself to the floor of the carriage. their eyes blink with their own tempo. eyeballs rooted in a position.
when their destination is announced over the intercom system, the small wheels in their mind turns, invisibly barking out oders to the various body parts. their hands uncoil from the pole while their shoes break away from the floor.
and did i mention the perseverance of office people? no matter how crowded the carriage is, they will always push on and persevere to gain a foothold in the train carriage.
Such is the never-ending struggle that exists everyday in the small carriage of a train.

today! mental hurricane!

well, these few days have been rather interesting. I do think the air in my office has an interesting relationship with my body's natural gas emissions. i've been farting more nowadays. but sHhh.. you didnt hear it from me..

hMm.. received my results today.. not that bad.. quite good.. i passed all.. got 2 Bs 2 Cs and one C+.. cool right.. three grades that are in ascending order.. no A or D to stop the pattern.. but that's me.. i dont aim high.. my pastor says its a man of simple faith. (shrugs) why worry? (winks)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a rather severe headache today.. it started as a minor irritation somewhere in my head (which of you knows which part of your head aches when you have a headache?) before progressing to a damaging headache akin to that of hurricane Kristina. It was definitely a stage five.

I meant to go for band pract after work but my mind decided i could take the ache no more so i headed home. for panadol. and of course, a bath. (people stink after work. naturally)

the governor of my mind immediately raised a state of emergency - no talking except when necessary - and devoted all available resources to prepare for the 'hurricane'. Water, air and food. ok, so not really in that order

the hurricane played hokey-pokey in my head as i walked back home.

i finally reached home. after survivors of my mind desperately tried to find the button to disconnect my mind from my body. unsuccessfully of course.

I stepped into my house. And the governor initiated the recovery process. First came the line of troops and sandbags and shelter to brace against the fury of the Hurricane A.K.A. Panadol Actifast!

Next came supplies for hygenic and sanitation purposes/I took a bath. Then came much needed food and water supplies - dinner with drinks.

Hurray! As the supplies came in, the hurricane abated. Soon, the sun came up and life went on. naturally my mind was affected and is still reeling from the catastrophe but i am happy to say that electricity and the basics have been restored. Railway stations (trains of thought) are fully functional.
In retrospect of the crisis, i would like to extend my warmest gratitude to my dear who worried for me and provided emotional recovery and enforcement services in the unprecented crisis. Many thanks!D

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Today was the last day of my mentor at work - Stanley Huang. Aged 19 and attached to a girl my age, he has been a wonderful mentor and teacher. he taught me how to slack. and enjoy life. and not to worry and be happy. which accounts for the blog song. :D

Always remember!!!

Don't Worry AND Be HAPPY!

Today! First Day of Work!

well. today was my first day of work. as an erm, data entry i think. though i should be called the filer. Six fifty per hour, five day work week. it's quite reasonable. It's at raffles places. which does pose of a problem to my schedule cause i have band pract on mon and fri at 6.30 and i end work at 6.15. oh well. i'll have to go late for band pract unfortunately.
Anyway, it's a very friendly work environment i have and my job is relatively simple. All i need to go is to search for files. in a different building about two streets away. in three different locations of that building. something akin to that of a search-and-rescue operation. cause i either photocopy some important portions of that file in that building or i bring it back to my "office" to photostat. Best of all, there's free flow of drinks! Cup drinks la. coke, F&N grape, ice lemon tea and 100+.
It would definitely be challenging on friday when my "senior" or the person i'm replacing has his last day of work. It is Very vEry veRy verY interesting to note the different wages of different people of different educational qualifications. but that's another post for another time. til then, take care and God bless!

these few days.. quite ok..

hMM.. these few days have been quite ok.. went out with friends.. went out with Her.. helped some friends in maths and accounts.. made people laugh.. a good thing to me. i have always believed in humour and how it would help people enjoy life. not that i shun people who are depressed or people that are saddistic. yet, i would have to admit such people do arouse my curiosity about them. no doubt some are attention-seeking but the minute and fragile world that these people create for themselves make me wonder about the huge friendly world of love that i live in.

joy. its a weird thing aint it. the more u give it and sprinkle it into people's lives, the more you'll receive it. but joy ain't defined by jumping screaming yelling singing. it's not just facial or physical deeds. smiles, laughter in one's eyes and a little skip in one's walk are all symptoms of joy. and the only one to have joy is? to put Jesus then Others then Yourself.

selfishness. most of us were born with the inkling that whatever we do is for Our gain. not for the guy on your left. not for your sibing. but YOU. and this could possibly be the reason for the un-graciousness happening in our society right now.

Imagine a bank calls you up to tell you that you've emerged as a winner in a lucky draw. You win 86 400 dollars. per day. but, (there's always a but, ain't it) any money leftover at the end of the day would be taken out of the account such that you will always start each day with $86 400.

Here comes the problem. how would you spend that amount of money?
(cue: devil on right shoulder, angel on left shoulder appears)

You have such an amount of money every day. 86 400 seconds. 1440 minutes. 24 hours.
How would you use it? and for what benefit?

ArGh! My Hair!!!

Today wasn't really a nice day.

I was forced to go to the barber. and my parents were there, telling the barber which parts of my hair should be shortened, which was practically everywhere.

Scene 1: I step into the barber. My dad behind me. I sit on the chair. The barber comes. My dad puts his hand horizontally across the back of my hair, near the middle and tells the barber: "cut to this length". Naturally I protest! but sadly, to no avail.

all goes well. unto..

Scene 2: Barber's shaver emits a strange sound. He pauses. then proceeds to the side of the table where he starts using a screwdriver to bang against you. I try furiously not to let the horror be evident in my eyes. thoughts wander through my mind. What if.. it malfunctions while on my head? Barber tries the shaver against his hand, and (i hope) it seems to be working fine and he resumes shaving my hair off, like nobody's business. At the side, another barber starts combing his hair and looking at himself in the mirror with eyes of admiration. oh man! is he that vain? or is he going for a date i wonder?

Scene 3: I'm in mourning. My sideburns are gone. Little do I realise how much i love them till they're gone. I have lost many of my little ones. my ltitle strands of hair. i feel like a nerd and a toot.

Scene 4: Enter my parents. "eh.. not bad what!" "quite nice leh". Is it me or are they treating me like a small kid? as though giving a small kid a lollipop could make him forget he fell. truly, any doubts i had about my age as viewed by my parents are gone. all clarified and accurate. they think i'm seven.

Scene 5: I hurriedly put the hat on my head, to cover the invisible scars that remain. The barber momentarily uplifts my spirits by saying "you poly student? I thought you're secondary". Yah! I'm not that old. but. oh man. poly student with short hair is.. yuck!


Scene 6: At home. I look in the mirror. "Who is this bald monkey?" I ponder to myself. Thank God I still have my goatpee. Sorry, I mean goatee.

our first month.

To my Dear:

Ain't it amazing how time flies? we've already been together for one month. 31 days. 744 hours. 44640 minutes. 2678400 seconds.
Since that day on 12th August 2005 at 5.45pm on that bench in Bedok Reservoir Park, life has been quite a breeze. with you. The times we walked as we talked. around Bedok Reservoir. Around Tampines Central Park. and numerous other hdb void decks. and the times at Long John Silver too. ;)
Sometimes I look at us and I just thank God. For you. For us. For the Spirit between us.
I have no idea how long we'll last. but let's leave that to God, shall we? it would be more exciting. every time that i'm with you becomes an experience. and a test. a test of my own sensitivity and patience and a showcase of my strengths and flaws. the ability to make you laugh makes my day.
I promise that I will love you. For better for worse. For richer for poorer. in sickness and health. when the world is falling down i will always be around. though the tides may change the winds may blow. i know you know that i'll love you.
Happy anniversary dear. 1st of numerous anniversaries to come. :D

Yours lovingly,
Loves

P.S. nice song? :D specially chosen! :)

hMm.. love... and its relationship with creativity..

love is simple yet bizarrely complex.

it has its limitations. you cant really do much in love, can you? you can only hug or cuddle or hold hands or kiss. or petting. but that's practically about it. sure you can rescue your loved one who is standing in the path of an oncoming car (how often does this happen) or you could make some personal sacrifices to please or to be with your loved one. but these are things done more for love than things done in love.

but is love all that bad? obviously not! why do people put so much effort and time into seeking love then? but one thing is for sure. love promotes creativity.
look at the different methods of expressing one's love. excluding body language, one has limited choices. you can do it verbally (who wouldn't wanna hear the three magical words) literally (sms or a poem or a note or a letter or a card) or physically through gifts and such. but that's about it. yet what makes each exclamation or proclamation of love so different and unique from the other is its creativity. i love you. i <3 you. the different? its creativity.

so, would i be right if i said love is creative? perhaps. after all, love would have to have creativity in itself so as to stimulate the creativity in the person to be creative in the expressions of love. creative in the things done in love. and creative in expressing one's love. no doubt we've all been hugged numerous times but each one is special and different from the other. what's the difference between a kiss and a kiss? the kiss.

therefore. love does have a unique relationship with creativity.

well.. interesting days..

hMm.. have yet to blog for a few days.. so i shall.


Basically, nothing much happened? I mean, I could tell you about the gift my gf gave me on fri.. and i could tell you i might give her a similar gift too.. but what for?

just like i could tell you that i didnt realise how many temp jobs there were until i went to www.jobsdb.com, www.jobstreet.com and er another site. i could tell you its sortof a bit hard to get a temp admin job. cause toopid polys decide to have their breaks during e off-peak season. i could tell you about my job interview on monday for a post that i dont remember applying for? and they say i got shortlisted. i wont be surprised if that means they cut off names that were longer than five letters?

i could tell you that i cant wait to see my gf but that would be unfair to those unattached. i could tell you how when i was single, everybody around me looked and were single and now that im attached, everybody around me look and are attached. perspective, i believe.

i could tell you that though i know not how i've changed, i have changed. everybody does. but more of those in a relationship. i could tell you, im rather happy for my dear's kor. hee.

but what for?

so much information passing around that we dont really grasp the significance and true meaning of each fact. we view it as a bottle and some water inside and not realising that its half-emptyness or half-filled-ness reflects our outlook on life or its intricate and explicit details.

no doubt, i could post the various dirty stuff of my relationship but what for? sex sells. but not all things that sell has sex in it. weird eh? how a friend third-degree me on how many times i've kissed, and who initiated and stuff. curiosity? or a subtle warning to go slow?

i wonder. do i still whizz u away when you're with me? or have we entered something of a different stage? soon it'll be a month. 31 days. 744 hours. 44640 mins. 2678400 seconds. so fast. time flies by. love speeds it up i think i can safely say?

so, to conclude. nothing happened. really. nothing. yet.

weird hmm? in the earlier stages i would get so sensitive and self-blamet-tory whenever ya dont reply my msg or i haven heard frm u for quite some time.. trying to read between ur lines.. yet now we are.. first month's here. no doubt i trust u more than last time. and i dont get tt worried or self-blame-tory anymore.. and.. now comes the thoughts.. of whether u trust me as much as i trust you..

to the place of relief

well. my toilet's going to undergo a major facelift so this post is dedicated to this place of rest which has relieved me in the past few years.


You helped me in times of need
in times of pain and agony
you have heard my every sound
from forte (loud) to pianossimo (very soft)
from an unsteady tempo of varying notes
to the regular speed of rushing water

You relieved my every burden and made my day brighter
You gave me so much pleasure and made me so much smarter

you heard me as i bathe, my out-of-tune songs
you watched me as i cried, when i was down and out
you know me as i wake, my eyes groggy and unclear
you see me as i'm about to sleep, the toothbrush within my teeth

you know the clothes i wear, the various colours and sizes
you watched me as i shaved, as i gelled and as i sprayed
deodorants and others, gel and wax and clay
naked to fully clothed, you have seen them all.

to the place that has sustained and received what i do not want
to the room that has provided me rest, inwardly of course
i thank you for your patient and i know if you could speak
the first thing you'll say would be : "can i not receive your shit"

hMm.. havent updated for aawhile

haven't updated for awhile so i'll make this as brief as possible.

I'm quitting C.M.M. Council. Due to some unforeseen events that would be taking place, i have decided to leave the council. If I stay, i would only have a mediocre level of participation which is not good. at all. therefore, to my fellow council members, I thank you for an enriching experience in council. I know some of you might be thinking what for join the council only to quit after a few months. I can offer no valid reasons except that life is full of twists and turns.



Today was rather fun. Met up with J before my paper. finished the two hour paper in half an hour. and something hilarious happened before i left.

There were two invigilators. An aged male and a young female. During the exam, a fellow coursemate fell asleep, two tables to my diagonal left. The female invigilator walked past and noticed his head slumped on the table. she peered over his shoulder before walking to the front of my table to inform the other invigilator that the guy was sleeping. when she noticed i was looking at her, she came up to me and said: "He's sleeping. Should i wake him up?" Surprised, i could only shrug my shoulders. Then, the other invigilator, the aged male walked past to the table of the sleeping prince. he looked down , as if observing a person sleeping for the first time, before taking a few steps back from the table. he then proceeded to observe the sleeper.

she might have been a new invigilator and he might have been bored. or not. who knows?

ciao!

Diaries of A Domesticated Male Part 1

Thus begins the diaries of a domesticated male. the first entry and possible the last.

Dear Diary,
I did housework today. I guess it could be considered part of my domesticated education system at home. It includes cooking, doing the dishes, washing the kitchen, folding the clothes, ironing, vaccuming and cleaning my room and a few others that have yet to be listed. All at a special price of a condom. or the lack of it.
I learnt foam-skating today. in the kitchen. while washing the kitchen, i discovered how the soap and foam on the floor reduces friction between my soles and the floor thus allowing me to roam, sorry skate, freely about. it is a wonder why Singaporeans want to go to do ice skating where they can have experience the same thrill right at home. However, please be warned, the level of excitement and thrill varies on the surface area of the kitchen floor. it would be stupid to say please do not try this at home since i am doing it at home but please, learn how to brake. this diary will not be held liable for any injuries caused as a result of foam-skating.
I have long learnt not to argue against the non-volunteering 'job' of folding the clothes. Now boasting of ten years of experience in this line, i have learnt the art of folding clothes, watching tv, messaging thru my handphone and having a conversation with my sister, all at the same time. Multi-tasking you say? I call it daily living and survival. In a world where man eats man and in a family where one has to find a balance between diplomacy and forcefulness/stubborness, the survival of oneself is important.
Alright. the clothes are beckoning. Thanks for tuning in to the exploits of 'Diaries of A Domesticated Male Part 1!' Till next time, i'm domesticated male tuning off.

Yours domestically,
Male.

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder
Is life such a breeze?
Friends and books and music
Can we ever live with ease?

Sometimes I wonder
If friendships are meant to be broken
And promises not to be kept
Are we meant to insult and hurt one another?
Till one by one we’re mad

Sometimes I wonder is there a need
To quarrel over who should lead
Or fight over little things like
A mouthpiece or a reed

Sometimes I wonder
When our life ends
When we look back
Will we reminisce the happy memories we had with our friends?
Or will we see those angry moments
Words said that would never mend

Hearts broken, scenes unforgotten
Maybe an upraised hand
Or will we laugh at childish wisdom
Or smile at lame jokes said
And ponder where those god-siblings we were close with
Ponder where they head

Sometimes I wonder
What is life?
That no man can understand
No mind can comprehend
Sometimes I wonder
Is it infinite or simply undefined?

Sometimes I wonder
Wouldn’t life be better?
If there were no worries to worry about
Or no trivial matters to quarrel about
No hearts would be broken
No friendships forgotten
Yet, deep in my heart
I know the reason why

Sometimes I wonder
Whose life has no hurt?
No shame or no pain
For aren’t we merely repeating
What others have done to us

Shouldn’t we go against the flow?
Move against the groove
And instead of causing pain,
Shouldn’t we create hope?
Instead of causing hurt,
Let us create love
Instead of breaking hearts,
Shouldn’t we make hearts?

my class..

a field, lush and fruitful
not like its beginning
where once was death there now is life
where once was pride there now is joy

we were together once before the project deadlines
before the flaws were revealed
before the disagreements started

like a wall crumbling under time and pressure
most groups buckled like a rat to safety
yet most perservered on
the four sides of a building came together again
what was once demolished now was rebuilt

though its shape and size was different from its orignal structure
e foundation was stronger and firmer. like rocks. or cement.
unlike soil that might be softened with water
or sand that would crumble under pressure.

a great time we had together
despite the numerous setbacks and backslashes
the wounds have healed no doubt but the scars would remain
would it not?

perhaps just as we would never forget our first love
so we would also not forget our first classmates in poly
yet despite the definite change of classmates
im sure it would be hard to forget the times we had
the times we shared
regardless of race language or religion
i'm sure the garment would be proud of us.
multi-racial. multi-cultural. multi-lingual.
and. er multi-gender? :D

oops.. the music doesnt work on mac..

oopsie. the music aint playable on macs. if im not mistaken. im sorry.

yupz. new blogskin..

yay! i've got a new blogksin. well, not that much difference from the old one.
and yup, there's music. but, i do think there's a problem with the quality? oh well, cant have the best in life can we?

anyway, i like the song. and i would like to dedicate it to You. hehe. just in case you want to know what the lyrics sound like, they're as follows:

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But, if we are wise, we know that there's, always tomorrow.

CHORUS
Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend,
I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, 'till I'm gonna need, somebody to lean on.

Please, swallow your pride, if I have
things, you need to borrow. For no one can feel, those of your needs, that you won't let show.

You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you'll understand, we all need somebody to lean on.

CHORUS

You just call on me brother when you need a hand, we all
need somebody to lean on. I just might have a problem that
you'll understand, we all need some body to lean on.

If, there is a load, that you have to bear, that you can't carry, I'm right up the road, I'll share your load, if you just call me.

Call me (14 x's)
if u need a friend
call me
call me
if u need a friend
call me
call me
if u need me call me

darkness to light

awaking in horror to find that darkness has engulfed me
that not a speck of light can be found with the naked eye
i find myself stumbling as i walk along what seems to be a path
unseen bugs crawl across my feet, despite my attempts to shake them off
in desperation i wildly swing my hands about
fear at the unknown at the unseen
i shudder at the thought of death

voices i hear in my head
hallucinations of lights i see
as i slowly trek on and on my hands in front of me
i remember the days of playing catching
with a blindfold over my eyes
the feeling is just the same
except that i'm all alone

i cry out in anguish
lamenting over my situation
yelling for help till my voice grows hoarse
fatigue soon overcomes me but i have to go on
my mind mocks me taunts me curses me
demons of media and evils of childhood come
floating gloating at my despair at my helplessness
fueling the rage within me.

sorry..

sorry to those who were uncomfortable and whose lives i have made worser with my posts about me and her.
i'll try to keep the posts as mushy-less as possible.
i could be selfish and say i have the right to publish whatever i want to
but it is simply not in my character
social responsibility perhaps?
some categories of thoughts should be left unannounced.

a leaf, tossed and turned by the wind
a girl exclaiming "you are so mean"
hair undone, a tear rolled down
shoulders hunched, a smile became a frown

teenagers going through identity crises
seeking the meaning of life
wondering their purpose on the old mother earth
not knowing what they see
a new generations' birth

in two by twos and three by threes
the soldiers marched on
some fear the thought of dying
others curse the day they were born

tall fair dark and skinny
sad and cheerful angry happy
gold black brown blue
peekaboo i see you.

what did i see.

i went out today and what did i see?
people in their daily lives, totally oblivious to me
saw a girl aged eleven or twelve
wearing tinted glasses
then i went to school
and slept during classes
saw a boy, young and carefree
running to his mother, arms outstretched
buzzing like a bee
heard some news good and bad
about people happy and sad
messaged what might probably be sweet nothings
to my dear who really is something
into dance and music adorable she is
hyper and humourous, somebody i really miss

wonder which is worst
to say something and regret saying it
not to say something and regret not saying it

wonder which is better
to say something that you mean
to mean something that you say

oxymorons. technical difficulties. ambiguity. inequality.
peace and joy. understanding. comprehend through comprehension.
can understanding be garnered through understatements?
what about overstatements? overstanding?
food for thought.. amen..

hehe..

well, im now having ess gra with ah yong. but i cant stop thinking about worries and stuff. i mean, all along, throughout my life, i have never really allowed worries to plague my mind.. till now. like mosquitoes buzzing in for the bite, the thoughts of whether we are going too fast in physical intimacy and how long we will last.

i enjoyed great time with her yesterday. talked and laughed. and the usual physical stuff. maybe we Are going too fast? it's barely a month?

there're times when i wonder how we got together
the times i think when you said i was mean
think about you, think about me
think about us and whether we were meant to be
think about me, think about you
hard to believe this is so true.

oh well. maybe the nxt few weeks might pull and bond us together. helping each other perhaps? who can resist a dose of love at the end of the day?

one week..

DUE TO FEEDBACK, PARTS OF THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED

well, today was rather huge.

had gdf in the morning and ah yong raised a huge fuss cause i (and SH) didnt have the physical LOA to show him, and thus he couldn't let us go. we had a lunchtime band performance. thankfully, i managed to contact lulu and she managed to get the hard copy and "send" it to us. overall, the performance wasnt that bad. this being my first band performance in TP, i would say the interest garnered was rather overwhelming. Sound-wise, I would say we definitely have to project our notes cause the acoustics and volume of the outdoors is definitely different as that of band room.

after that, had lunch and then medsoc tutoria Yay! I'm rather happy that I managed to get my first A for medsoc which is my individual assignment. My topic was on media and its role in teenagers life, which i could relate with, and thus made the whole assignment rather challening yet easy; to transpose these thoughts into words that would have the same effect and meaning.

After medsoc, on my way out with lao da and mummy and gang, we met two year 1s from some business course doing a survey. the most interesting thing is that, one of them actually flirted with me. well, of course, at this point, i would like to interject that the definitions of flirting varies from person to person and thus, those that were with me may not have thought so. However, as for me, i felt that she did flirt with me. Body language and eyes and stuff. Too bad i didnt get her number or something cause i could intro her to my friends. my single, non-attached friends, that is. she did have the looks. and around my height. and she works in KFC at P.S. on sunday. so there. want to know her? go buy a chick. chicken, i mean. :)

Went to meet J after all these happenings. so weird, her coming out of school at the same precise moment as my "daughter". come to think of it, she's just one year older than my daughter. LOL. anyway, we talked and walked aimlessly though. like normal. :D but i had the biggest shock of my life ever. see, we sat down at a pavilion to er, cuddle, and then we saw shu ning walking. she didnt recognise us la. then, right before our very eyes, the lift opened and we saw dee, kwan and maria. two of them are my godsisters, one of which i'm pretty close with. So, it was coincidentally unbelievable.

Quite a lot of burnings today. which was rather sad cause i saw small kids just following their parents. not knowing what and why they doing what they're doing.

Went for council meeting soon after. and then, i went to meet J again after council meeting.

today marks the first week that we've been together.
memories to be cherished and times to treasure
i dont know what the future will bring
but i know what i will sing
i...
love...
you..

:D:D:D

weird how times passes by. it was even weirder, cause a few days ago, i was telling her how i wished that i could spend a night or like, 12 hours with her. well, i spent about two hours with her. which seemed like 12 hours. XXX XX XXXXX XXXX XXX XXX XXX XX XXX XX XX XXXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXX XXXX X XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXX
XX XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXX
people i'm not close with, recognise me from a distance
people that were close with me, do not see me even if they pass me..

she feels stressed. yet, i cannot detect that when im with her. do i really whizz her off to another place or am i becoming insensitive. my crappiness and lameness brings laughter between us, bonding us together. yet there are times where she doesnt divulge her thoughts and this frustrates me a little. then i realise neither do i. though u allow her to probe my mind and let her view it as and when she wants to, deep down inside i know i am still not that open to her. i wonder, do you?

well.. soon it'll be a week..

well.. time sure fries,, i mean flies.. hehe.. soon,, it'll be a week being together.. but tt's not e thing tt excites or worries me.. its her bdae tt's coming in 3 days tt worries me,, cause i have no ideas what to buy or give her..
hMm.. i've been meeting her almost everyday.. donno why,., but we sortof take a long time to warm up.. though i do get rather excited while on mjy way to meet her.. love la.. lol.. our partings are quite sentimental though... hehe..

met her family ytd. her god-family is rather large. her family is weird la.. mother is a guy, and er, some other weird comnbinations of male and female "names" and stuff, which does make me wonder which of my "family" should i include in e relationship.


hMM.. i aint sure how,, but ethan guo knows i have a gf.. and tt aint quite good la. lecturer knowing something tt's only exclusive to the class,, which does rather narrow the "news-spreaders" down to a significant few..

i think now it's my turn to be whizzed to another place when i'm with her. it's like a whole new world. of course, i long for that day where both of us will understand each other inside-out. but that would take time, patience,.. patience..

weird aint it..

hMm.. now quite sian.. so just decide to blog.. while waiting for my songs to be downloaded.. hMm.. i realize.. when I'm with her.. i feel safe.. loved and loving.. i feel like i and Her are bonded and in tune with the same mental frequency. Yet now, when distance separates us, that small knob in my mind starts turning. doubt runs through my mind as i ponder the similar differences and different similarities between us. My mind questions the same frequency, that is receiving nothing but noise. perhaps we have to be close. my heart feels so much lighter when she holds my hand. yet, i can sense that we do not know each other. and i wait patiently. for the chance to show myself. i dont mind her knowing me. inside-out. i wait patiently. for the time and opportunity to allow her when she probes me. just as she allows me to probe her.

that we may know each other. inside out. to predict what the other party would say. to help each other to think. sometimes when i walk with her, i sense the walls around her. and yet i am probably guilty of this too. she deserves another better one, no doubt about it. my mind is slow in responding to my heart. the cells go on strike.


now i realize relationships is finding the right balance between physical, verbal, mental and emotional intimacy. the crux of a relationship is neither of these four but the heart. which is the basis yet the end of all four.


i love you.

hMm..

hMm.. i talked to Her on msn a few nights ago and interesting questions came up. thought-provoking, her questions has been stuck in my mind for several days.
the taking, receiving and giving aspects of a relationship.

indeed, the night after we chatted about it, i pondered the questions. this being my first real relationship, i would naturally want it to last as long as possible. but i cannot plan too far ahead and i have to take it one day at a time. love cannot be planned nor foreseen.

the more i thought the more i confused myself. till i distangled myself from the confusion, took a step out and examined the situation from another point of view,. then i saw it. my mistake. taking what was not given. taking more than what i was receiving. in my pursuit, in the short dash, i tried to go faster than time. instead of going along with it, i tried to ran ahead of it. i didnt heed her warnings to slow down. and for this, i'm sorry dear.

Now, i see the importance of time in relationships and its crucial role.
To receive her love with humility and meekness and to give what she needs. a shoulder, a hand, a hug or a man. a ear, a tear,comfort is near. Yet what should i receive i wonder and i realise this fact. simply yet true. i love her. and i will receive whatever she gives. to let her give and i receive. and not to take what she is not ready to give.

Indeed, we have yet to know each other. the result of just two weeks of dating. to know, we have to open. yet, like she said:

"...opening up would mean leaving oneself vulnerable to hurt.and being hurt ain't never nice.always leaves a scar and i guess adds a new layer to how deep one burries oneself..."

Since i cannot foresee the future, i cannot promise not to hurt you, but i know that what i can give i can promise and thus i promise love. love that overcomes hurt.

hehe

hMm.. quite some time since i posted.. well, a few days actually. these few days have been quite fun and time seems to be going by very fast. but that happens when you are enjoying the moment/s. one hour with J2 is always faster than half an hour in D.D's lecture. struggled not to sleep today. i failed. for a few minutes or so. cant help it what. so early in the morning, though my heart was already awake cause i met J2 for breakfast, my mind was still sleeping. and recovering from the shock "hallucination" i had last night. imagine being in your own room, at 2am in the morning and somebody calls your name. i have no idea if it was on purpose or just pure imagination. only time will tell i guess.


i can still savour that magical experience at Changi Airport on Sunday with J2. we walked, held hands and talked and laughed and probably brightened up each other's day. definitely an experience hard to forget.


just dont know why most peole think they have low self-esteem. i mean. well, no doubt it is up to you to "grow" your own self-esteem but why let it affect your life? you have the choice. it's Your life not your parents neither is it your friends.


i'm thinking maybe i'll make this blog public when i hit my first month of my relationship. would be easier trying to keep tabs on who has linked to me and who reads my blog.

hMm.. love.. lust.. hatred..

i vaguely rmb an entry i wrote for ussw in sec sch. sad to say, till now i am unable to recall the full definition of U.S.S.W. In it, i commented about the relationship between love, lust and hatred.

lust is love gone wrong.
hatred is love no more.
love is the opposite of hatred.
love, when rejected can become love or hatred.
likewise, hatred can become love, if you allow it to.
love overcomes hatred though at times, it is the basis of hatred.
lust can be linked from love.
love may lead to lust.
most people would group lust and love together but they are completely different
love is from the heart. so is hatred
but lust is of the body.
that's all for now..

love

two elements forming a compound..
perfect understanding of the equation X x Y = XY
starts off with a run and then leaves you breathless
like a river and sea
both similar in water
like the sun and the sea
both important forever
like a deck of cards we play
limited intimacy
like a bunch and pack of hay
separate yet stuck together
like you and me
like you and me

well...

hMm.. last few days have been passing by quite quickly.. like a blur.. like a run after the wind.

i've been meeting her almost everyday.. either to bedok reservoir or to Changi Airport (ytd) or to Tampines Central Park. just walking, talking, crapping and joking around la. still ain tt sure what she sees in me. after all, she did say laughter ain't everything.

anyway, my number of sms has skyrocketed. hope i wont exceed my free quote that much. need to practice self-control. Love her lots.

Journalism individual assignment is killing me. well, sortof. so many things to do and so little time. i've got band pract on mon and thur cause fri got performance. weird, how ppl can band together despite faulty, old and out-of-tune instruments. And ppl play as a hobby.

How times have changed..

hehe..

hehe. the moment you've been waiting for yeah?

To my fellow readers,

It is my pleasure to inform you that from now on, there will only be one girl in my life. On the 12th of August, between 5.45pm and 5.48pm, on a bench at the Bedok Reservoir Park, I, the owner, writer and publisher of this blog formed a merger with the girl of my heart. Accompanied with birds chirping and the sound of runners feet against the stones, i and her became boyfriend and girlfriend. It is an honour to inform you that J2 will be the only girl in my life from now on, and if it be God's will, till eternity.
I thank you for your time and patience in reading this post. Should you have any questions, comments, complains, feel free to enter them into my tag board.
Thank you! have a nice day and God bless!



From: Publicity Manager of this blog AKA the Owner AKA Your Friend

Latest:

Exclusive to my faithful readers
Latest: I am single no more. More updates available in the next post. :)

am i fickle-minded..

my godsis commented that i'm so fickle-minded, changing from girl to girl so fast. so this post is a clarification. of T, J1 and J2.


T. is an indirect junior of me and i have admiration and respect for her. if you were to ask me if I have feelings for her, my answer would be that i have curiosity over the exact nature of her character and i look up to her. a lot. but she does not know it.


J1. i had a crush on her. short-term de. cause i knew i could never make it with her. despite the physical intimacy. i guess she could be good at seducing people or flirting. yet, her character is rather transparent.


J2. well. i need not say much about her if you've read my earlier posts. but fret not if the letters confuse you. there may possibly only be J1 in my posts. no more J2. just, maybe, a dear.

hMm.Mm..

well, i had a very profound and though-provoking phone conversation with J2 last night. we chatted from eleven to twelve thirty. ya know, she is the only girl in my life so far that has fallen for me as i fell for her. sorry, still falling for her. We talked about identity crisis, time, life and the philosophical questions. surprisingly, i've never seen this reflective side of her till the conversation. but, the human being has numerous sides, like the numerous pages of a book. i guess there're still other sides of her that i have yet to discover. soon, i might be as happy and knowledgable as miners who just struck gold. or oil. I wonder what sides of my does she know and exactly what sides of me do i show to her?


to be honest, doubt about my own capabilties run through my mind. worries at being unable to make her happy plague my mind. i fear the feard within myself and the demolishmentof the structure of my life. what i have observed and learnt as an outsider on relationships, i realize i have to practise, despite my lack of experience. forsake my friends i should not. done it once i have and it still causes me some grief when i recall it.


i remember the best thing or rather, the worst thing that would break a relationship would be to think too far ahead. i had a friend who gained a bf when she was sec three. i recall that day when she was telling me that she and her bf were making plans about meeting up and stuff after his Os. sadly, they broke up a fortnight later. a lesson that can be applied to life itself, we need to take one step at a time, one day at its best.

hehe.. tday wasnt tt bad..

hehe.. tdae wasnt tt bad.. though i was like very very surprised tt so many of my classmates read my blog.. hee.. just saying that I'm going out with my friend brought half a dozen immediate replies. "who?" "Is it T?" "Is it J?" "J1 or J2?" my goodness. now i know why my blog counter is like so high. but, i guess that's the human character weakness. kaypoh-ness.

Anyway, after GDF lecture i went to meet J2. (Now you ppl know). technically, i didnt really meet her immediately. had to wait for her cca to end which was around five. then we walked and talked. my goodness! we had to make numerous detours to avoid several loud-mouth people. It's like, we even met her the ppl in her clique and they sortof followed us a short distance. What is relationships and people man? I would have though Chinese drama serials provided enough of that type of entertainment. After walking aimlessly, we went to a nearby void deck to sit down. and it was slightly embarrassing cause several students walked through the void deck and saw us together. some i know and some she knew. but overall, it was enjoyable. we sortof snuggled and cuddled for like fifteen minutes of so. crapped every now and then, just to make her laugh. what a remarkable conversation we had. one part of it caught my attention.

She: Weird...
Me: What thing weird?

(looking back, i realize, shamefully, that my standard of english in communcation is not that good. yet.)

And, if you wanna know what her reply was. it was more to the line of: "weird that we're like this but we're not together."

this definitely set my mind thinking. but, well, in case you want to know the outcome. she is single. i am single. and i will give her all the time she needs to think.

and on the way back.. to her home.. we held hands.. sweet ain't it.. hehe.. and.. well.. i did kiss her.. the back of her hand.. :D

take care amigo!

life..

life is all about growing up ain't it?

when we were babies, we cired to get our parents attention. regardless of whether we wanted milk or our diaper was wet or we simpy, wanted our parent to lift us up and lull us to sleep, we cried. wailed, bawled, shrieked, we did whatever we could do with our limited abilities to get attention.

when we were primary school students, we learned how to use the huge four-wheeled vehicle called the bus. We barged up buses, ignorant of the people around us. we conversed loudly with our friends at the other end of the buses. Before the bus moved from the bus bay, we have already pressed the bell. a split second later, we are already at the exit, preparing for the opening of the door to allow us to charge down the steps and wave, and shout "goodbye" loudly to the friends that we would meet online in half an hour. we refused to let go of our school bags, always carrying it high and heavy, parading it like an award or a medal. We dare not touch the hands of the opposite gender, flinching at the teachers' orders to "walk in twos and hold hands." we gawk at teenagers wishing that we would not be as old as them. we marvel at their hairstyles and their colours. we stare, without any inconspicuousness, at coupes holding hands or kissing. we yakked incessantly about the latest spiderman or superman cartoon episode. we scoff at people watching hi5 or Barney, calling them childish not knowing that we ourselves are still naive. Our words are clearly heard by people within a metre, or two, of us. the world is still a perfect place for us.

Then, we matured to secondary students. we learn the dangers of the world. the vulnerability. the evils. we learn the "art" of blushing and the reasons behind it. our raging hormones turn our heart upside down. they deceive us. we think we know love but have yet to find it. we learn the superficiality of looks. we learn the importance of character. we realize the fragility and mortality of life. we see death in its wicked form. we realize superman and spiderman do not exist and that superheroes are but a figment of our imagination. we see the intangibility of friendships and the side-effects of relationships. it is this stage of life that we, subconsciously, experience emotions of all shapes and sizes. fear, hunger, sadness, gladness, joy, peace, jealousy, anger, grief, love, lust, hatred, malice and so much more. we learn and see the need for self-control. we get curiosity. about sex. about love. about looking cool and being hip. we learn ways to destroy ourselves. cutting our wrists, contemplating suicide, standing at the edge of our windows, ready to jump. we learn how to curse and swear and behave like uncivilised people. like barbarians. we learn to fight. physically. emotionally. mentally. psychologically. spiritually. for the first time in life, we realize and acknowledge the existence of God in our lives. the world is a place that we can change.

And what about after this stage? only time would tell..

we learn so much about life through life

today, i realized the irony of life. how through life, we learn and embrace life.

the world is a place of education. not just in schools but outside school. lifeskills are learnt outside educational institutions.

today, on my way home via bus 15, i sat beside a middle-aged man. with a balding head, he had in his hands two bags of goods. naturally when he took out his wallet, i assumed he was about to alight and i sat straight up and sat as back in my seat as i could to increase the space in front of me. this, i did with a tinge of subtlety and with huge sensitivity.

to my surprise, he did not alight at the next stop. instead, he gazed out of the window. my senses all on alert, my mind monitered his every move through my peripheral line of sight. Now i had to practice sensitivity. I couldnt turn to my side to create more space for him to pass through cause it would seem, to the normal mind, that i was chasing him away. yet, i had to practise courtesy and create space for him to pass with his two goods-laden bags. where can we learn such exquisite skills except in the world?

now the final lesson. when he left, i had to make a decision. how long a time should i leave before i took over his seat? now, you may think this is a stupid decision. want to move just move la. why make it so complicated?

To answer your query, you need to understand one thing. all it takes to set off a fire is a match. sometimes, a spark will do just fine. every single thing that we do and say affects not just us and our peers but also people around us that we do not know nor understand.

Nobody can estimate nor understand a person's level of sensitivity at a glance just like few people see the light in life. sometimes, all it takes to brighten up our day is a warm smile or the light in one's eyes.
see, to understand and appreciate the preciousness and loveliness of love, one needs to see the balance. the warmth. the feelings. the heart. pumping, beating. the love that exists between man, between animals, between nature. and the sensitivity.

Have you tried being sensitive today?

well, i have no choice but to admit she has been the object of my thoughts..

well. the day is nearly over. a day of rest and relaxation. I have already completed journalism individual tutorial assignments. So, there will be a rush for time as my group scrambles to complete our marketing assignment. and journalism assignment. Managed to finish about a quart of my graphic design assignment. going to complete my A4 advert soon. Soon.

But, despite all that i have been able to accomplish today, i am unable to find certain peace within my heart. and parts of my mind. cause J2 occupies it. So near yet so far. She is barely fifteen minutes walk away yet... we are so far apart.

I can still remember an incident that has been etched onto my mind. We walked along the reservoir yesterday. stopping occasionally to sit down, and laugh and chat. technically, that would be half correct cause she was the one laughing most of the time. either she's easily laughable or.. my jokes were that funny. and lame. :)

Anyway, i remember two particular occasions that we sat down. the first one, while i stood to resume our "trekking", i extended my hand to help life her up. But she stood up on her own. It was the "rest" after that that will remain in my mind. and possiby my heart. I extended both my hands. She accepted both. At that moment, as i pulled her up, our eyes met. (dont worry, sparks didn't fly. Nor was there electricity involved.) That split of a second, I saw trust in her eyes. through her eyes, I saw not a girl nor a human being but that of her character. shape and size had no meaning then as I saw intangible assets. like trust. like an x-ray examination where one sees not the skin nor blood, that exact moment i saw the fullness of her character. i saw trust. and, that moment, my love for her grew.

this is what i have been pondering the whole day. and now.

oh dear.. what can the matter be.. with me?

oh my. i just realized. after some research. both Js in my life are unpopular and not well-liked in school la. haix. i am seriously unsure about my feelings towards J2 la. both Js can be rather act-cute la but the diff between J2 is that whenever we depart from each other, i depart with a smile on my face. simply put, she brightens up my day. Height isnt much of a matter. cause my arm, though casual, can still go around her shoulder. but it's this rebellious streak that is present in both of their characters that distresses me. They aren't exactly guai-kia-s just like i'm not exactly a pai-kia. yet characters aside, i wonder about her feelings towards me. if she has any. i know i do have some towards her. not much but not too little.

i wonder, how much importance do i play in her life. i know she plays a rather big role in my life. now. but i know, if i do stead with her, it would not last that long. cause, the feelings i have for her are based on experiences and times together, and not so much of character and mentality.

Now i realize what an understatement it was when i said that the two Js are turning my whole life upside-down.

J2. your image has been burned onto my mind. i cannot help but imagine your laughter inside my head. i wonder, do you know the impact you leave on me? is there a chance we might be together? and last long.. and satisfy both our needs? cause i know, no matter what happens, that sensitivity in me wishes not that you get hurt..
can my heart take your entry into my life?

alas.. is my taste tt poor.. or am i doomed.. to single-hood.. but.. then.. again..

hMm.. i had quite a fun day tdae.. had erm wad was it.. oh yah! gdf no no wrong one.. is essential graphics tutorial.. learned dreamweaver.. hMm.. maybe i can create my own blogskin using that.. probably do it during the hols.. or something..
anyway.. after tutorial went for lecture.. well, i slept a bit.. during her lecture. hope she didn't notice.. hee.. but then again.. i dont think she knows what i know which is that she lives near me.. or rather, i live near her.. which ever way ya wanna see it.. two streets away la.. maybe i should get to know her better.. then can get a lift to school.. hehe.. her car so big.. i can help her occupy it.. hehe..

and.. after that had a five hour break. So, i went out with J2. hehe. it was fun la dear. you know that. lol. i know that too. i met her at the interchange then we went to tm and cs but too crowded so we went back to shss there to eat lunch. Met quite a few ppl in tm seh. wanted to go to the kopitiam opp sch but saw a few shss teachers there so decided not to. went to another one. hee. but this ain't the fun part.

the best part was, she wanted to go to bedok reservoir. so we went. walked. and walked. and talked. and talked. and laughed. and laughed. For about an hour and a half, we spent quality time together. (smiles) Overall, it was a loving day la. hehe.


then went back for marketing lecture. supposed to meet J2 after that, accompany her to the chalet de.. but lecture ended so early.. so cldn't meet.. but.. probably will see her soon la.

though i still cant believe she's a pastor's, sorry, reverend's daughter la. not that she's unholy or anything but, well, it just doesn't fit la. rebellious streak and all. sorry.